::yAyA says : Life Is A Maze::

Why do some people have that kind of thinking?

2011-08-11T20:59:00.001+08:00

Ok, we’re doing a report of our daily progress for the sitewe’re handling. And it need to be submitted soon. We were asked to standardise theformat so it would all look the same. Previously, I made a report according tothe format that I got from my senior. Though some of us here made their reportalso according from their senior. Different senior from mine. It was accepted.But now, Dr want everybody to discuss and choose one format and gonna be onlythat. Looks like everybody thinks their format is the perfect one. Includingmyself. But later on, I realized why do I have to be so ego and troublingothers to correct our report? And so I follow the format of this one fellowhere (after he told me that was given by Dr itself) . But still… still got someof us that stick to their own format (the same like they had sent before).

And when I asked them can we really do that? They said let thesenior correct our report. So at least they got work to do. I was like omg (justkeep it to my self) .

You do your work, then it’s ok. But doing your work withoutresponsibility, so not cool. Don’t you feel guilty of payment you'll get with thework you're doing ?

May Allah stay me away with that kind of perception. Andwhat I’m earning is what I really deserved. Amin.

I don't like

2011-08-07T20:37:00.003+08:00

Being sensitive , well its ok. But merajuk ? Eee, tolong la !

LANGSUNG TAK GENTLEMAN !

as long as i know what i'm doing, whatever you say or do is not a matter to me.

Ramadhan

2011-08-01T23:27:00.001+08:00

Today is the first day of Ramadhan,

I'm seeking forgiveness for any mistakes and wrongdoing that i've made.

official

2011-07-26T23:23:00.003+08:00

Today, i'm officially a student. Again.

Penang would never be the same without Buddies. Love ya'll !

Liyana

2011-07-10T02:11:00.000+08:00

A Moment of Us !

Dear Bestie,

So, this is my first attempt of making a video. Hence, it look plain and kinda poor quality (because i need to convert it into a smaller size so that it can be uploaded). Hope you like it. InsyaAllah i'll make a better one soon if i got a free time. :)

But the reason i'm making this video is obviously because i'm missing you so damn much! So, instead of keep browsing on our photo together, i suddenly fell like putting the good times of us together (not all actually yeah...) in this video with this beautiful song ...

Just so you know that i'll always here for you (though we far away). See how much i love you? see? see? lolx.

With Love,
Yaya (ur very own melissa maureen lolx)

With Love,
Yaya (ur very own melissa maureen lolx)

teramat gembira !

2011-05-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

Jumpa kawan-kawan lama masa Khidmat Negara di Facebook

Kem Warisan Masjid Tanah, Melaka

rinduuuu !!!!!

perlu ke emo-emo ni ?

2011-04-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

You make me sick !

2011-04-08T00:36:00.001+08:00

I went to a shopping mall yesty. Alone by cab. Feeling like going out plus housemates too hang out with their friends. While having dinner alone, i called my bestie. She didn't pick up the phone. Just now when i browse her fb, from the photo that she uploaded few hours ago via fbmobile, i know that she was with her friends when i called her last night. It's been a while actually. There are few times when i called her but she did'n't answer. Last time when i sent her an sms, telling that i'd like to have a talk, she replied that she was chilling with her friends. After that and until this post we made, i heard nothing from her. She update her fb like everyday. Without dropping or at least write something on my wall. I guess she just need me when she's alone or having a problem. So, is that what we call a 'bestie'?

I bought a dress yesty. Knee length dress. I tested the dress and show it to my Kelantanese housemate. She gave me an unplesent look and commented that she didn't like what i'm wearing. I was upset with her word. But, weyheyyy, idc.

Why la do i have to deal with this kind of people. It makes me sick !

i mean urghhh !!!

2011-04-02T23:03:00.000+08:00

it's been a while ...

no updates mean , BORING !

even more killing me when got this 'mulut jahat' i have to face everyday.

whaddup me ?

2011-03-06T22:30:00.003+08:00

I'm not enjoying the environment of my workplace these days. This man that i respect the most not even say a word to me. It was like i'm not exist in his eyes. It hurt my feeling that i almost break into tears. I wonder where do i go wrong? I think No. He's being very different lately since reached here few days ago. Always not in the mood and keep on finding other's mistake. I must be strong. I must be strong.

I'm missing home badly. I miss mak, abah and the rest of sis and bro. It's been 4 month. I must be strong. I must be strong.

I see, this field that i got myself involve really made my emotion unstable. I must be strong. I must be strong.

A few friend of mine have a thought to quit once the project is finish. I won't do that. I won't do that. I'll keep on reminding myself not to be a quitter. Because winners never quit and quitter never wins.

Talking to Bruno Mars

2011-02-20T01:25:00.000+08:00

Talking To The Moon

I know you're somewhere out there,

Somewhere far away

I want you back

I want you back.

My neighbors think I'm crazy,

But they don't understand

You're all I had

You're all I had.

At night when the stars light up my room,

I sit by myself,

Talking to the moon

Tryin' to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool?

Who sits alone

Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous,

The talk of the town.

They say I've gone mad.

Yeah, I've gone mad.

But they don't know what I know,

'Cause when the sun goes down

Someone's talking back.

Yeah, they're talking back.

At night when the stars light up my room,

I sit by myself,

Talking to the moon

Tryin' to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool?

Who sits alone

Talking to the moon

Do you ever hear me calling?

'Cause every night, I'm talkin' to the moon

Still tryin' to get to you

In hopes you're on the other side

Talking to me too

Or am I a fool?

Who sits alone

Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there,

Somewhere far away...

p/s : You completely took my heart away , Bruno Mars.

Lihat dengan mata dan hati

2011-02-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

Tadi,

Got someone,

All this while...

Memang pandang dia dengan dua belah mata,

Sometimes pandang dengan empat mata bila pakai spek,

Cuma tadi,

Tadi petang,

Nampak dan lihat dia,

Tapi pandang dia bukan dengan dua mata saja,

Pandang dengan hati sekali,

Sebab....

He look different tadi,

Lepas tu tak boleh focus

Tak boleh fokusss !

Sebab tiba-tiba macam ada kotak bubble kat atas kepala,

Dengan image muka dia,

Maknanya ..... ?

Oh no !

What’s happening to me ?

Please lah yaya !

Alah, kejap-kejap je rasa macam ni

Ahahahahahahahaha.

Please !

2011-02-11T13:58:00.003+08:00

I want my life back !

Wanna jog in the campus

Wanna go swimming

Wanna chill with my bestie

Wanna watch new movies

Wanna singing out loud

Just wanna feel alive !

Dear me.

2011-02-08T21:54:00.002+08:00

I'm ashamed of myself .

Good Book !

2011-01-08T21:27:00.000+08:00

I find this book that i borrowed from my house mate as very very interesting and fun to read! I can't even stop myself from reading it ! I like the way the author convey her stories. It really helpful for my vocabulary. So here, read it and you won't regret !

101 Malaysian Anecdotes

Author : Salmiah Alias

ISBN : 978-983-2334-97-2

Price : RM34.00

Weight : 340 g

"The reader will find this book a candid and cheerful companion"

Adibah Amin, Award Winning Asian Journalist

This charming collection of Malaysia anecdotes covers a wide variety of topics. The author's legal and corporate experience, though not highlighted, adds a wry touch of worldly wisdom to her portrayal of places and people in the multi-faceted country she loves... rural and urban, rich and poor, simple and sophisticated, traditional and modern, past and preset with glimpses of the future. There are also encounters at home and abroad with people of other countries, creating responses that are surprising, amusing as well as thought-provoking.

Kau Cow ke Lembu ?

2011-01-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

This morning, when i was on my way to my workplace, laying by the roadside was four dead cow and one of it with an open stomach that we can even see it's organ inside ! Poor cows ! As they are not human (who has been given with brain to think), of course they shouldn't be blame. Curse to the irresponsible cowboy (or cowman) who let the cows walking and eating grass by the roadside without watching over them !

Few weeks ago, there was also the same incident happened on the road to my other workplace (around 40 minutes from here). The dead cow was there for like 4 days if i'm not mistaken ! I once asked the staff why is it the cowboy or the owner of the cow didn't remove the dead body ? I was told that maybe they were afraid of being sue by the one who crash the cow. The damage of the car could be serious ! And what if the driver also got him/herself accident ?

This scenario are hardly seen in my hometown. I was surprised when i saw it but my friends here told me that it's very common things that happens in this area. Well, at least i got to see it in front of my very eyes. But still, poor cows !

Love hunger !

2011-01-07T20:12:00.002+08:00

At the site where i'm doing my excavation project, there is a village house just beside it. And the land (of the site) is belong's to the house owner which is an old married couple that i called 'atok' (female) and 'tok wan' (male). They were both very nice to me and the others who working together with me. There was one day that my skin suddenly feeling itchy and turned to be reddish which people here called it as 'klopak garam'. It getting serious as my body sweating since the weather that day was hot. Usually on Friday, i pray at their home since the mosque were full with mens for friday's prayer. So, on that day, after finish praying, i told 'atok' about my uncomfortable skin condition due to the itchy feeling and reddish. She then went to the kitchen and get some salt for me to put it at all over my body. I feel so touch by it and suddenly remember my late's gramma as she (arwah) gonna do the same to her grandchild.

I love the village house (belong's to 'atok'). Even though it looks old and simple but it is clean and neat. Shes being a very good host to her guest. Last night when i went out to the market, i bought some kuih for her and junk food for her grandchild. And today, as we finished our work early than usual and while the other man busy talking with topic that i don't find it interesting (for myself at least), i had a conversation with 'atok'. She was sitting outside near the door and i sat exactly in front of the door. My feeling of love to her grows as she talk about her previous life. I would sit or lay on her lap if she is my own grammar. But still, i'm feeling a little bit shy to do that. I think i'm hunger for a love of a grandparent !

I don't know where my brother got this. It's a translation of a Malay's pantun (kinda poem). But i think it's cute !

Sail away with a bunch of bananas,
One ripe fruit remains on the box,
Debts of money we can repay,
A debt of kindness, we take to the grave..

Consciousness

2011-01-06T01:07:00.003+08:00

Few days ago, i went to Tanjung Dawai which is not far from the place i stay. It is a pretty well known place in Kedah where good food (especially seafood and Thai cuisine) are served. I can say that it was a nice place where theres also a beach next to the restaurant. On the night when me and my fellows went there having dinner, we were amazed by the fireworks played by the local people. Since it was a few days after new year, fireworks are like very common. Normally, there are some kind of match between the villages at the area. Needless to say, that night was nice where at the same time, we were enjoying good food.

After finishing the meal, we had a walk along the beach, enjoying the night's air breezes from the sea. There was also many group of local people catching prawns. Small little prawn.This activities going on along the beach. Beside prawns, there are also small fish and squid. I was thinking that this people doing this just for fun to filling up their free time. But, i can see some of them doing this as their source of income as they going to sell what they had managed to catch that night. Imagine, they have to catch the prawn many times and it took quite a long time to have the pail loaded with prawns (and fish etc) ! Roughly, they get like 8 to 10 prawns on one time they get to the sea.

Well, seeing this had gives me a thought and made me appreciate more of my life. I remember the hardship life in the past when my parent were struggling just to make sure that we get our needs. Shelter, food and most importantly, education. I was about to break into tears when i see this people at the beach and at the same time when the memories in the past flashing back on my mind. I remind myself that i'm lucky enough to be what i am now and getting what i got now. Even though there was a time that i never feel enough. I learned a good value and experience that night. Never comparing yourself with others whos life seems like in a fame. But compare yourself with those unfortunate one. Then only you'll know how to be grateful as Allah's slaves. And how lucky you are comparing to those who facing difficulties in their life !

this is for you ..

2010-12-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

thank you for being such a nice buddy

now and forever ...

i .....

2010-12-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

You say I'm always happy, and that I'm good at what I do, but what you'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too.

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.

I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own.

I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left.

Laugh out loud !

2010-12-08T20:43:00.002+08:00

Everybody knows that laughter is the best medicine. Study shows that people with a good sense of humor live longer that those without one. For instant, when a person laugh, the level of insulin the body goes up. So, do remember to laugh at anything you find something funny. It would definitely put you in a positive frame of mind and helps you deal better on what comes your way !

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter - E E Cummings

I can't be serious !

2010-11-30T19:57:00.002+08:00

Yes i'm. I just feel funny when i'm being serious. hahah.

Syukran !

2010-11-25T22:11:00.001+08:00

Hitung Kesyukuran. Bukan Kesukaran.

I always complaining about my life. I always say that waiting is such a suffer. I always thought that what i'm doing is such a waste of time. I always let myself being controlled by my desire. I always not sure what i really want in this life. Is it all about money and having a happy family? Am i just proceed of what i've been doing because of the pay i get ? Or am i really enjoying my job ? I just have no idea. I know i can choose my path of life. But i don't know why i'm still doing it even though there was a time i felt negative about this job. Until when ? So i got .... quite a nice pay. Free house. No bills for water and electricity. But i got thrown into a place that totally nowhere. Doing the same thing everyday. Feeling unproductive. My heart telling me that this is not what i want. This is not as what i expected when i first agree to do this. But my mind stop me from doing it halfway. My desire telling me to just go with the flow. They all speaks differently. And i know this is another chapter of my life.

But then, my eyes catches into a sentence of this islamic magazine. So everytime i feel like this life is sucking me, i'll try to remind myself to be thank full to Allah of what i'm getting, not the difficulties of what i'm facing.

~In a positive mode~

Daily report ...

2010-11-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

Day 96 (Eidul Adha)

1. Weather : Bright
2. Staff on Duty : Mr. I
2. Attendance : F, Y, D, S, A, S and C.
2. Looking over the site of SB1H, SB1L, and SB1K with Kak Farah. As the water got in the trench caused by yesterday's heavy rain, we pulled out the water out from the trench.
3. Then to SB1G and pulled out the water inside the trench.
4. Back to the office.

Jika tiada angin, masakan pokok bergoyang ... Bile pokok bergoyang, maka runtuhlah khemah ...

2010-11-16T23:03:00.001+08:00

Ini kisah baru...

Finally the lorry that carries the water to be filled inside the tank at our site had arrive yesterday. After 2 weeks bebeh ! After two weeks! I was told that the lorry need go to the other place to supply water especially to the place that were affected by flood. Imagine life without water... Ok, lucky enough it was just at the site. But still, it's hard not to have water at the workplace. Of course the hardest part is when you need to throw that 'unwanted stuff' right ? Control... control...

It was raining heavily this evening when it almost time to go back. The wind blew so soooo strong. The tent had collapsed. We all got wet. Trying to fix the tent. Pulled out water that drowning inside the site area. Worried if it might affecting those artefacts.

Because i'm positive at this moment, so i think it was AWESOME.

Takbir hari raya Aidiladha sedang bergema bersama dentuman mercun namun ku jauh dari keluarga... Alamak, tetibe jadi sayu~~~

biol ...

2010-11-15T20:48:00.003+08:00

apa rasa ?

bila tak produktif

boringgg

bosannn

aku salah pilih masa depan ke ?

JB-Penang

2010-11-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

For five days

(which supposed to be four)

I did what i always wanted to do

I bought what i always wanted to buy

It's cool

Itu sahaja...

naiktarikh ...

2010-10-31T04:59:00.003+08:00

Allright... i suddenly feeling like updating this blog. After quite a while. Yeah, internet connection is pretty suck here. Ohh i hope the CELCOM package that i sign up recently which cost RM98 per month is worthy !

So, archaeology thingy runs as usual. And my daily life here are always the same. The project is about to finish and at the moment are we working for the final process which is to take out the broken bricks that hiding the the formation of bricks, so that we can see what actually the structure is. It's good to see my sister with her geophysicist team coming here as she doing a project for our archaeological center. At times, i used to feel unsatisfied with some people here. But as usual, i just keep it to myself. It's sometimes hard to deal with respectable someone that always try to find other people's mistake and think he is the only who correct, while others are wrong ...

Ok, boringgg, i know.

Cool things happened is when Cik Tipah and husband came to the site. Few days later, Qyla and Ain came together with my Swedish friend, Rebecka (and her boyfie, Richard). Awesomeness!

A week after that, i back to USM for two days. Attending Gala Dinner. I was wearing Shalwar Qameez (which was given by my Pakistani buddy) that night, since the theme is Chinatown vs Little India. It's ok lah, though Pakistan traditional costume look a bit like punjabi suit. Two days in Penang is like a heaven ya'll !! It was like, i suddenly got my 'life' back. Hahah. I really had a great time. That night was a good good night~~~

I feel so relief that i finally got my payment. And happy that i can give 'something' to

my fam. Especially mom and dad.

And now i'm still waiting to get my own site...

shyeeetttt.... failed to upload pics !!!

this is real

2010-10-01T03:16:00.000+08:00

at times i feel like its kinda slavery

pressure on the day

bunch of work on the night

need to get this thing done

need to get that thing done

with not yet money in account
and no off day

but i believes

there will be a reward

for patience is the greatest of all virtues

and nothing so much enhances a good as to make sacrifices for it

i'm still standing

i'm still not quitting

is because of those who supporting me

thank you

and for the sake of to gain more knowledge

and for the awaiting future

tu diaa...... haaaa, lega sket nohhh~~~~

sekadar luahan

2010-09-15T00:00:00.001+08:00

Kat sini, bila sedang menjalankan kerja-kerja ekskavasi, aku banyak mengelamun. Kadang-kadang, aku terasa yang aku ni dah macam seorang ibu. Terpaksa layankan karenah pekerja yang macam ragam. Dengan pemalas curi tulangnya, dengan lawak kasar sesama mereka, dengan yang macam-macam alasan bila disuruh bekerja... Terpaksa beralah bila mereka nak pakai alatan yang aku pakai masa sedang ekskavasi dan macam-macam lagi. Aku tak pernah terfikir akan lalui semua ini. Kadang-kadang, terasa macam diri ini tidak disukai. Kadar-kadang, terdetik di hati " where do i go wrong?". Aku masih tak faham rentak mereka. Kadang-kadang, aku risau tentang penerimaan mereka ke atas aku. Pernah satu hari aku rasa give-up sangat dengan mereka sehingga aku hantar sms kepada Dr. Tanya bila aku akan dihantar ke tapak baru sebab aku dah tak tahan dengan budak-budak ni... Kadang-kadang, aku rasa ok pulak dengan mereka.

Kerap kali, aku rasa marah bila kewujudan aku dan kawan yang sama-sama jaga tapak ini tidak dipedulikan oleh mereka. Lebih-lebih lagi bila tuan punya tapak yang kami jaga kan sedang bercuti. Budak-budak ni selalu lesap entah kemana. Ok, fine kalau mereka buat kerja di tempat lain. Tapi kenapa tak nak beritahu? Apa kami ni tunggul kat sana? Mungkingkah sebab kami ini perempuan, sebab tu mereka eksyen siket? Atau mereka rasa kami ini cerewet? Sampai satu tahap aku rasa aku tak nak pedulikan mereka lagi... lantaklah mereka nak buat apa. Janji aku tahu yang aku buat kerja aku. Biar kawan lain yang arahkan budak-budak ni buat kerja. Tapi aku tak boleh la nak buat macam ni. Kalau benda macam ni pun aku tak boleh nak handle, macam mana bila aku kena handle tapak aku sendiri suatu hari nanti ? Ada ketika aku sedapkan hati, kononnya benda ini terjadi sebab budak-budak ni dah kerja lama kat sini. Jadi mereka rasa diri mereka hebat. Tak pun mereka cepat bosan dengan kerja-kerja kat sini. Less enjoy dah. Lagipun, aku ingat masa aku mula-mula join arkeologi ni, aku dikira sama level dengan mereka dari segi bayaran yang diterima. Tapi, mereka lebih expert dari aku bila melakukan ekskavasi. Lepas tu, kami mula rapat. Bila aku diberi tanggungjawab jaga tapak, aku terpaksa bertegas sebab kadang-kadang aku rasa mereka pijak kepala bila aku baik dengan mereka. Kemudian, kami tak mesra seperti dahulu... Buat masa ni, i have to let myself facing this. Like i have no other option. Until i will be send to another archaeological site later, i hope i'll know what to do.

Ini pula kisah talam. Siapa yang talam? Aku ke? Dia? Mereka? Kadang-kadang, aku tak suka dengan apa yang kawan aku buat. Tapi aku cuba berlagak tidak kisah.. Aku tak paham la. Bila dengan aku, kita sama-sama tak puas hati dengan orang ketiga ni. Tapi bila dia berhadapan dengan orang ketiga ni, ok pulak. Kadang-kadang susah juga nak luahkan rasa tak puas hati dengan orang yang baik dengan kita kan...

things that i've missed

2010-09-13T22:34:00.006+08:00

Until today, lots of thing has happened. Unfortunately, i can't update about it since internet connection here always suck. Nasib baik budak2 uitm sekitar rumah ni balik kampung so persaingan kuranglah... So here is it...

First of all, my convocation. Alhamdulillah, i finally graduated in Bachelor of Art from USM. Things that surprised me is when my beloved Cik Tipah bought me a Kebaya for me to wear on my convo day. Seriously, i was sooo touched by it. The Kebaya is kinda expensive that i even can't afford myself to buy. I owed her (and her husband) big. They had done so much to myself and other Buddies as well. I wish that one day i can make her proud of myself because she had taught me a lot to be a better person especially when it comes to give a motivation.

And of course, my family came all the way from Jb. All of my crazy sister and brother together with my mom's adopted son. We spent 2 days staying at Batu Feringgi. It was fun !

Then, i back to my workplace in Lembah Bujang, Kedah. The early few days was fine. I got myself along with the boys (local labor) who work at the archaelogical site there. Just when two of my male colleagues came to work there, lots had change. I had told about this in my previous entry. I remember one day i was so mad that i shout at one of the boy who can't listen to my simple order. I was so mad but actually i wasn't really mad at the boy. I was mad at my colleague who acted like a boss and not do anything much at the site. hampehhh... After a few days, i can feel the gap between me and the boys. We're not like it used to be. They don't really talk to me. I can feel that they don't like me and my female colleague because we keep asking them to do this and that. Otherwise, if we not ask them to do so, they will just lepak and talking among them. I feel responsible for the progress at the site since i had been given a responsibility to took in charge there. There was a time that i feel so down and give up with the boys. I used to cry. I talked to my parent via phone. I talked with Cik Tipah. And they tried to calm me and keep me in spirit. I know that some of the reason that i didn't quit half way of doing this archaeology thing is because of them. And also my lecturer.

Housemates.... they are nice especially the senior. Kak In and Kak Farah loves to cook. While Su is funny ! She always make us laugh. I had a great time at home. Here, my daily routine are same, everyday. 8am until 5pm at the site. And home at night. Watching tv, doing report, gossip, online, etc. My female colleagues, Kema and Dila usually do their business. Sometimes (like many times) they hang out with their boyfriend. At home, it always me and Su who didn't go out since we both are single hahah.

Only a few day before back to Jb for raya, i hang out with housemate. Do some shopping. I still didn't get my salary. So i can't spent much. And it was so pathetic when it come to raya at home because i can't give duit raya to my parent and sisters. On the first day of raya, after visiting atok in Jb, i followed my elder sis to Singapore. Joined raya with her husband's relatives. On the night, my bro in law took us for sightseeing around Singapore city. Second day of raya, we went to KL. Before went to the last aunty's house, they drop me at KL Central because i took a train to Kedah. I was in a bad mood. I left my family with an unhappy face and i knew that they noticed my expression. Come on, first, i haven't took a meal (i mean real meal like nasi for buka puasa- i was fasting for sunat syawal). I was hungry lah. Then, i can't meet my niece, baby aira because they gonna go there after sent me at the station. Plus, i waas soooo not ready to leave my fam for raya !!

And now here i'm. Back to my daily rountine as penggali di aidilfitri...

Hottt !!! and Cold...

2010-08-18T01:47:00.003+08:00

Aahhh !!!! aku geram ni !!!!

"Kau ingat kau dibayar sehari agak lumayan kau bole duduk goyang kaki macam bos besar apa? Sakittt kot hati aku. Sabarr.. sabarr... tak pasal-pasal kurang pahala aku puasa sebab dok membebel ngan gosip kat member yang sama jadi mangsa macam aku. Ingat aku kuli kat sana? Eyy, hello, nak ikutkan, pangkat aku lagi besar kot dari kau. Tapi kita sama-sama baru. Sama-sama belajar lah ! Sama-sama buat kerja lah ! Kau dok goyang kaki, bersandar, budak-budak lain pun naik lemak lah. Depa perhatikan kita tahu tak ! Attitude kita ! Bila aku suruh depa buat kerja, kang kau mengata aku bossy. Nak tunggu kau bagi arahan, alamat tak jalan la kerja. Last-last, depa akan anti aku sebab asyik bagi arahan. Kau ambil langkah selamat buat baik dengan depa. Try to act like a cool leader. Tu ok lagi. Yang kau laga-lagakan depa tu satu hal pulak ! Kau ingat kau sorang je puasa? Aku ni? Kerja siket, releks je lebih ! Tak berbaloi tahu tak? Gaji yang kau dapat, dah boleh sama dengan kita tambah dua pekerja baru. At least depa buat kerja daripada kau yang goyang kaki ! Nak rileks pun agak-agak ah ! "

Kat sini mampu la aku cakap dan luahkan ketidakpuasan hati ni. Tapi aku tak punya kekuatan lagi untuk tegur depan-depan. Yeala, kau member aku. Tak pe, tunggu dan lihat esok macam mana. Kalau masih macam ni, alamat jadi naga la aku esok kott !

Yes, i'll try to be professional in handling this. But you should understand your responsibility. It's ain't worthy of what you did and what you get. Come on ! We're big enough and please act like an up age. I hope you will realize this and please, change your attitude. Don't act like 'macam bagus' like you know everything. We're in the same team on handling this project. The burden is not only on me and her. But you, you should know of what to do. Ya Allah, please give me strength in facing this. Please make it easy for me to make the situation better. Please make them realize what they have done. Amin...

Ok, i'm calm now...

It's getting harder, yet, i'm enjoying myself here

Of course, it is a whole new environment to me

But i think i already got to adapt myself into this

Because this is what i choose

This is what i wanna do

I hope that i can be like her, the person i'd admire

Still, i'm learning to be a good leader, to conduct worker

I was worried at first, and afraid if they would never listen

But they seems to be a nice boys

I don't wanna be so harsh

I don't want them to label me as 'bossy'

But theres a time they would never listen

I sometimes wish if it were now japanese occupation (evil me i know)

Or i'm Hitler

So that they would listen

But no

No way

I don't like to be treated that way

So i don't want to treat them that way

I wish it could be a better tomorrow

Aminnn

Of those 20 Days...

2010-08-01T22:49:00.005+08:00

it was different than what i had experience

those three weeks had taught me becoming more tough

and the future must be tougher than it was

there was a time i'm feeling so down

but something stop me from quitting half way

i can feel my interest is not in that, at first and a bit now still

but i know i can do it if i give myself a chance to learn

and to face the challenge

i can't let go of this opportunity that may come once in a life time

this is the time for me to make them happy after all of their sacrifices

the universe is like spoke to me

the universe is like hear what my heart says

whenever i look at them

theres a feeling of peace and harmony

still, i'm trying to understand the Language of the Universe

the wind is like send the message to the other life

the tree, the soil, the stone

i need to be careful of what i feel

i need to be careful of what i say

glad that i read "The Alchemist"

though it keeps my spirit alive

and taught me to make decision of my unsureness

thanks to those whom i cries on their shoulder

"i got people on my back" - thats what calm me

i think this is it

patience is what important the most

i can see a bright side of today's challenge

i thank you for the surprise on my birthday that day

never thought of that

i want to be happy of what i'm doing

i need to get myself ready

The end justifies the means...

2010-07-12T04:31:00.001+08:00

Nothing about this post related with the title above... I just have no idea at the moment. Maybe it could be "Goal and Opportunity" or whatever la...

"Sometimes you don't need a goal in life, you don't need to know the bigger picture. But you just need to know what you're going to do next".

I got it from the novel i read. Though it makes me realize that sometimes we need to consider about current situation we are facing which sometimes do not allow us to act as what we had plan... Some people ( i can say myself as well) tend put too much expectation on something like what they gonna be in the future and aiming for that. Somehow, things happen when we did not expected it to be. And when that unexpected things happen, we might have no idea of what we suppose to do. And easily give up. I think that shouldn't be an excuse for us not to achieve our dream or becoming success. There must be many way. Many way... Maybe it wasn't in our plan at first. But the most important thing is that we need to figure out of what we gonna do to make things better. And of course, seek guidance from Allah. Take the challenge even though it bring difficulties or makes us making mistakes. Because that is part of learning process .

Lot says that i'm a complicated person... I realize that... And i admit that. But for God sake, i don't wanna be such that. I admired lots of amazing people and always wonder if i can becoming like one of them. Still, i have to be myself. This is me. And i always hope that others gonna accept me for who i am. Sometimes i pretended not to be me. And i'm sick of that. But theres a time that i feel tired of being me. Try to act cool when the fact that actually on my mind i was like " Oh My God !". And sometimes i can't adapt myself into some situation that i find it awkward. Especially when facing a moment that i'm not confident if can i go through. Or mingles around with people that ..... i don't know how to describe it... Well it depend...

I think i had figure out why am myself like this... I can't take things easy.. I always find it hard. Yes things is complicated as it should be. But i am the one that make it even worse.. And this happened because i think too much of it.. Because i was afraid about what is going to happen at the end of it. Thinking of what i'm aiming for and whether it's going to happen like what i expecting it to be.

That is why i finally decided of what i'm going to do next. Eventhough i'm not so sure of the consequences. I can see my opportunity in there. Though i do not see what its gonna be in future. Or whether if this is what i really want? For the time being, i let myself believe in " JUST DO IT ! "

*** At this moment, i'm kinda nervous. But this is what i had choose to do. And i must go for it. New experience is waiting... And of course, theres many need to be discover. I just need to get myself ready. Hot sunny, and yeah, lately it's sometimes rainy, dust of soil, historical thingy, backache... Well, what i thought is, if they (i'm talking about those ladies at the site there) can do it, then why can't me? Change of mind, can be later i suppose... ***

early morning... she wakes up...

2010-06-28T03:52:00.001+08:00

Ok i'm seriously not in the mood to post an entry at this moment. But i couldn't get my eyes closed and it is 3.30am now... at home... So what's the matter with me? Actually, there's many... I wish to stay a little longer at home since my mak and abah and the other sister keep asking me what the hell that i wanna go back to usm this early eventho i had finish my studies? I told them that i had commit with some activities there. Though, they are not happy with that. Of course considering the fact that sooner or later, i will back to Penang for quite a while. For my masters or maybe carrier.... So, they think that i should spend the time before my convocation day at home. I do feel enjoy staying at home. I swear ! I enjoy doing housework like cleaning the house, do the laundry, do a simple cooking sometimes, hang out with mak and abah visiting the relatives, watching dvd's, tv (The Nanny for sure) , helping my sister at her place, hang out with my bestie (lyana the most) and lately i'm kinda addicted into swimming together with my big sis and lyana. Things that i'd miss while i'm in Penang....

Yes at the moment i have no idea. But i think i made up my mind of what i'm gonna do.. Just... just, not this soon.

di malam hari

2010-06-23T09:56:00.000+08:00

wonderful time with my loveyyyy in JB after swimming

liyana

mona

*i wish it could me more of us. especially farah aqilah and waniey.*

hate it when i'm not sure !!!

2010-06-14T23:35:00.003+08:00

i dunno why am i feeling sooo sooo sooo damn miserable at this moment. but i had already make a decision of going back to JB tomorrow. well actually i'm not suppose to do so because i need to meet my lecturer and discuss regarding my future plan in archeology. but suddenly i change my mind. that i might don't wanna do archeology. damn it ! i hate this when i can't make a decision ! why is it so hard for me? i'm just not ready. and i'm missing home badly. jb is waiting. and i still not feel that i spent enough time at home. plus, the rest of fam and my bestie want me to be home. that's it ! i'm sooo going home. tomorrow !

*hope the ticket will still be available tomorrow*

and now ....

2010-06-13T13:56:00.004+08:00

My last post is before i back to JB and now i'm already in Penang. Meaning ? I didn't update my blog (not even any single post) at home. The reason ?

1) internet kat rumah macam haram (ehehe, just a few days before nak balik baru my brother setting broadband tuh kasi laju).

2) agak busy la di rumah melakukan aktiviti yang tidak berfaedah but it's worthy ! contohnya, menonton dvd.

3) swimming. yeah ! i finally can swim ! maybe not too good. well at least i know the basic like how to catch a breath when you swim, do the breast stroke, mushroom, bubble.... i feel awesome! glad that my big sis, tita brought me to the swimming pool and now i'm kinda addicted to swim.

4) working... a while... helping my sis, ani at her place like taking order and prepare any easy menu ehehe, rm 25 per day or rm 10 if half day. not bad ! well, at least the money that i got can cover the entrance fee to get in the swimming pool (rm6 per entry)

5) ronggeng with my bestie, liyana where most of the time she following us to swim and sometimes lepak at her home. just on my last day i finally got to met farah aqilah. yes only two of them while mona like usual... been quiet with her life... work and her bf.

6)do the housework : cleaning toilet, masak (nasi goreng je), kemas mengemas, laundry etc.

7)online.... sometimes.

That's all kot... oh i didn't spent much time with fam since i was just at home for 2 weeks! feeling touch when my mom make laksa penang yang sangatttt sedapppp for me few hours before i back to Penang. Thanks mak! And my big sis, tita got me a new speck! Loveee her !

Yesterday was my bestie engagement, Qyla and the event went so great that i'd never expect. I mean, all this while, i had only attend to a wedding ceremony. Never to an engagement ceremony. With the other girls, ain,aufa, faten and aina, we slept at nearly 5am preparing the gift and it was lovely and i love it! Congratz to Qyla for her engagement!

Ok, do i have to tell this....? ahahaha, a bit merana di hati when someone that i'd crush are now have family of his own. faham-faham je lah. yes i can be a big stalker when i'm into someone. but i will never... never never ever ruin other's happiness ! semoga dia berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu ! Amin.

Now, i can't wait to start working! I've been told that it's better for me to work for a while to gain an experience before i pursue my masters. Well that is what i'm gonna do. Can't wait to have income (ceh, kerja pun tak lagi) so that i can give some to my dad as he wanna buy exora (compatible for a big family like our) InsyaAllah before my graduation day. Well at least i can do, i mean contribute something for the family like what tita had done. Need to mention, nana, ani and ayul as well. Saya bila lagi ?

post sebelum balik jb !

2010-05-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

Malam ini akan berlepas ke home sweet home JB bas pukul 8.45pm. Kena siap awal sebab tak mahu jadi macam last time tertinggal bas uhuhu. Before that perlu ke Deen Nasi Kandar sebab mak pesan lauk nasi kandar. Akan dihantar oleh en. saiful school fizik dan berharap beliau akan menemani sehingga bas bergerak kerana really worried sebab saya dengar cerita ada beberapa belas (kalau tak silap) banduan terlepas dari penjara Pulau Pinang. So, you guys out there harap berhati-hati dan jangan lupa baca ayat-ayat suci like Surah Qursi. InsyaAllah semoga Allah melindungi kita.

So, this morning we got visit from International students of UPM and as part of USM Buddies, i just helped out like assist mana yang patut. Most of them are from middle east and Africa. And majority doing their masters and phD in UPM. Ada jugak la yang undergrad dan buat internship. Paginya ada taklimat about what USM offers especially for research program and APEX university thingy. Though it gave me some good input so berbaloi la bagun awal-awal even malam tadi tido at nearly 4am ehehe. After taklimat, the program's plan had been change because they did not have much time as they going to Langkawi after that. So, before their branch ready (supposely is lunch tapi di awal kan), mereka dibawa ke muzium usm ronda-ronda di sana. The best part is when i met some students from Pakistan when i saw them wearing 'shalwar qameez' (pakistani traditional costume for female). Sebab saya ada satu yang diberi oleh teman dari Pakistan yang pernah buat exchange program last semester. Oh betapa rindu pada dia dan mereka-mereka ! And met a group of students from Mumbai, India who doing their internship in UPM. Yang bestnya bila kami berbicara tentang dunia perfileman Bollywood. Ye, Shah Rukh Khan. Then cakap pasal Shah Rukh Khan. Lepas tu berbual tentang Shah Rukh Khan ahaha. Sebab saya into him (into la sangat... memang pun). Then of course la ada sesi posing-posing peace and click click ambil gambar. Tetibe rasa glamer bila depa nak ambil gambar bersama saya (maaf perasan tapi itulah hakikat ahahaha)

Ok, selepas makan, bersama ain, kami meninjau-ninjau event going on di Dewan Utama Pelajar, National Research and Innovation Competition (NRIC). I was one of the committee in charge for publicity last year. Rugi jika tak tengok weyh! Tapi this time tak join la coz dah final year kan and at the same time got other commitment ehehe. So, this NRIC adalah event dimana depa pertandingkan projek tahun akhir student undergrad from various university in Malaysia and this year they got participation from universiti Singapura (NUS if i'm not misaken). Congratz to all NRIC committee and Nik Buddies as the project director (wa tabik sama lu beb). At the same time rasa bersalah kat Nik sebab tak hadir pada perasmian NRIC tadi malam. Sumpah tak tahu about that. Kalau tahu, tak de lah saya ke Queensbay tengok wayang filem Shrek dengan Ain, Nasz and Hussein (Muslim from China) ehehe. Masa dinner, saya berasa teruja berbicara tentang sejarah dengan Hussein sebab he showed interest of the topic. He said that he likes that kind of conversation. Dan Shrek sangat enjoy untuk ditonton !

*semoga pulang ke JB dengan selamat malam ini*

semalam naik bot !

2010-05-24T20:50:00.004+08:00

Ok, short update about what i did yesterday.

Semalam saya ikut ain, qyla, pE dan en.nazri mengambil sampel air dan tanah untuk projek beliau-beliau (teringat kat kartun 'Kordi' dlm Ujang). Dan saya banyak bercakap dan bertanya macam-macam sampai depa naik bosan agaknya ehehehe. Yela kan, first time dengar depa dok cakap istilah yang i never heard before. Tanya ini dan itu. Mahukan penjelasan sampai saya puas hati. Kesian depa kena dok layan saya ehehe sorry !

I think i should start bring a small book everywhere i go sebab semalam je dah banyak input saya dapat. Kalu boleh, tak nak lah masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri kan... Tahu pasal plankton. Kenapa warna air berbeza.. perbezaan kadar kemasinan, payau dan tawar, cara mengambil bacaan parameter kualiti air dan macam-macam lah. tu lah pasal kena bawa buku catatan macam Yosuke selalu buat. Though, it gives me some extra knowledge that i can apply in my daily life or in case if i jump into archeology field.

Ruginya tak bawa camera untuk ambil gambar ahaha. Ye saya berasa sangat seronok dan teruja menaiki bot. Mula-mula the night before ingat tak nak join sebab tido around 4am. I was watching sisterhood of the travelling pants 2' pada pagi itu dan ada satu part dalam movie tu masa Bridget Vreeland (acted by Blake Lively ye dia sangat hot) sedang berbicara dengan archeologist when the archeologist told her that, " Archeology is more than just finding bones. These people, they painted their pots, made their santuaries, told their stories on every surface they had. It is what i love the most about them. That they left so much of themselves for us to find". That part really caught my attention. Sampai sekarang terngiang-ngiang di minda and maybe influence me to pursue masters in archeology yang masih saya belum decide lagi. So, paginya, bila dah bangun tido jadi segar pula coz these past few days dah biasa bangun awal pagi buat kerja buruh eh eh no, buat kerja professional ok yang dinamakan eskavasi arkeologi ehehe. But still, i was the last yang siap coz mandi paling last ahaha.

Konklusinya, semalam sangat best as i got new experience and extra knowledge. Trime kaseh untuk qyla and ain for brought me together with them doing their sampling ehehe. Next time mahu join lagi kalau ada kesempatan la. I might be busy since i think i need to spend more time to analyse those artifact that i had found during the excavation. Seriously can't wait but hope that i won't find it hard.

*Kejap lagi mahu ke Tesco cari produk penjagaan kulit sebab kulit saya dah kusam maybe sel kulit mati sebab asyik berjemur dan played with soil during excavation. uhuhuhu.

about soil and artifact ...

2010-05-22T13:55:00.008+08:00

Sniff.. sniff.. smell of USM. Yeah, i'm back ! After two weeks at the archeological site in Sungai Batu, Lembah Bujang. It was a great excitement as i were given an opportunity to join the excavation. Like i said previously, i haven't make up my mind of what to do for my masters program.

Well, after two weeks experiencing archeology, i shall say now i was like 70/30 percent. And archeology is the major percent. But still, i'm kinda doubt with my decision. At least for time being. I still need time to make up my mind about this. I do got support and encourage by lots of people including my parent (especially my dad who want me to do archeology so bad). Plus, while i was at the archeological site, i met great people that makes me feel amazed by them. They really devoted of what they doing.

I used to feel that i need to get out of my comfort zone. Do something challenging. Perhaps, this might be my option. Still, think and think... haih...

The two weeks had been great. I can say that i'd learnt a lot since archeology is a multi-discipline where it applies almost everything like physic, geology. biology, chemistry, math, architecture and others like many. And of course, history is for sure. Though, i find it hard. Of course nothing is easy in this world. What does it takes is the willingness to do it and make sure that the interest is there. So i need to think about this for the long term of my life. Later and after. May Allah show me the way.

I don't really discover much during the excavation. I mean, in finding an artifact. But i do discover an extra knowledge. Plus, theres many of iron (iron slag, melted iron, tuyere pieces) in my trench. I found a seramic that had been broken into pieces. I can still remember what i felt at that moment. Imagine, being the first to discover after a thousand years or maybe more. I feel like 'wow'. But then, i was told that the seramic wasn't really old. Maybe it was made during pre-war in Tanah Melayu ( 1940 like that). Whatsoever, i wanna feel the 'real feeling'. Also, i found a few 'manik' that most probably is old (maybe aged around 3 to 9 century) . All this while, i just had seen the picture of it (artifact) in books or sometimes saw it when that kind of artifact were displayed in the museum. But now, i found it and see it live in front of my very eyes. How cool is that? Awesome !

Of course it was a tiring day, everyday. Need to be at the archeological site from 8am until 5-6pm. Digging the soil (excavation). Learnt other technique and method that involves in archeology. And i sometimes find it hard (since i don't like numbers and not really good in science). But yes, it's a part of learning process. I just need to be positive about this and hope i can make it after i made a wise decision of doing this.We'll see about that. Everyday, my body were full of soil and dust and it took like forever to clean it. Same goes to my shirt and pant. Fuhhh ! My face getting dry and pimples, oh cannot help! But after all, it was great as a first time experience. And i need to get myself ready of facing all these if i wanna get involve in this field.

Here are some of the photos that i took from one of my team, Wan.

my trench

discussing with my mentor

my team a.k.a Kumpulan 2

(in the morning before going out for a visit to archeological site somewhere there)

the rest of us (seriously cool junior ! )

visiting one of the candi

jumping jumping !

i'm missing home badly !

Mak yang terbaik !

2010-05-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

Esok adalah mothers day. Mom you're the greatest ! Love you mak ! Selamat hari ibu !

I'll be going to Lembah Bujang tomorrow for two weeks. Joining archeologist doing excavation work. Hence, I might not gonna update this blog within that time. It's gonna be my first time to be an amateur archeologist. Plus, i haven't make up my mind of what should i do for my masters. I might taking archeology or maybe doing research about pre-history. Though, both field are related. So, i'll see first whether i'll be more interested in archeology after joining excavation or doing research about some themes in pre-history of south east asia under school of humanities.

I'm kinda nervous for tomorrow. I might didn't know any of the people (students) since majority of them are all minor students of archeology and of course, they would know about archeology thingy better that me. I just hope that i can easily get along with them. And enjoy myself through out the excavation process. They said it's gonna be tough. I hope i'll survived !

We'll See...

Until next time, see ya !

Besday budak yang dulunya koreng....

2010-05-08T02:13:00.001+08:00

Ini kisah adik saya maisarah. masa kecik2 dia suka cekau orang terutamanya kakak-kakaknya. jangan lah cari pasal dengan dia. nahas korang ! kalau bergaduh, mom will always on her side. anak bongsu lah katakan. ingat lagi masa dia kecik-kecik dulu, oh my ! muka dia gila bulat ok ! ada satu gambar dia masa umur around setahun kot, dengan muka baru bangun tido, seluar terlondeh. oh, i can't forget that pic ! seriously comel bangat ! kenapa lah dulu saya tak hargai dia masa pipi dia masih montel lagi gebu ehh. boleh cubit puash puash ! tak heran pun masa tu. sekarang dia dah besar, mak ai! cun gila you ! laku macam pisang goreng, mari ! mari !

Saya tahu dia takde nya nak baca blog ni. wahh, lagi best kalau tambah perisa bagi sedap siket sket ala-ala hyperbola dalam post ni.. hei, takkan lah nak ngutuk adik sendiri pulak kan.. ahaha. gaduh tu biasa la adik-beradik kan. tak payah nak habaq lah kan. what so ever, bagus dia ni. sekolah-sekolah pun tolong ibu bapa berniaga. kedai kita orang ada pelanggan tetap sebab anak dara yang jaga tu cun cun kot. ahahaha. okeyh okeyh, of course saya berbangga punya adik dan kakak yang cantik kan. Alhamdulillah, kurniaan Allah semua itu.

Ok, tujuan post ini ~~ditulis~~ ditaip adalah kerana hari ini adalah besday beliau. Mai ! kenapa dah besar? Yaya mahukan mai yang kecik-kecik dan koreng suatu masa dahulu ! Apepun, yaya sayang kamu ! siapa tak sayang adik sendiri oii !! (ishh, kalau dia baca ni mesti bangga gila kan... harap-harap dia tak tahu). Kadang-kadang kita segan nak express kat family yang kita sayang kat depa. Just so you know that i love you. Always, now and forever ! All the best for your future ! Ikut jejak Nana dan Tita (me tak bagus sangat ehehehe)

Happy Birthday yang ke-18 Mai !!!

serious terpegun lihat gambar ini di fesbuk dia.

dan lagi....

ceehh, promote adik apa... ye benar, hang cantik... i admit that. =)

semoga maisarah akan .....

masa konvo masters nana dia cuba pakai.. yes mai, i believe you'll wear this your own one day !

Sekian.

Stupid 'gila' Day

2010-05-07T01:39:00.008+08:00

No more update about my miserable life (at least for the time being). So i had posted about the walking tour of me and my fella did from usm to feringghi (here). Craziness but awesomeness. Yes, it was ! So here are the flow of the long walk that i had never imagine. ahahahha. But hey, we made it ! Recently, Yosuke uploaded the photo in his fesbuk. Practically, i have nothing to do at this moment. Actually, there is, like many ! But i'm not feel like doing it (pack my stuff before i'll be kick out from this hostel as this gonna be my final sem). It's ok. That one can be done later. Though, this gonna be some last moment i'll spend in this little room. Ok, cut the craps ! And this is how the journey begin (excuse my methaphor or hyperbola thingy) Sounds over? It may seem. Ahh, I don't care. ehehehe.

This is when we started. Maybe like half an hour after departed from Sunnyville Apartment. Hey look who's at the front ! It's Yosuke lah as he's the one taking this photo. ahahaha. Of course, we were full of excitement as we start the journey to the west, ehh, journey to up up and a way ! jorney to the feringgi stone lah i mean... i feels so fresh with the morning sun and the air that breezes from the sea (opss, minus the carbon dioxide produced by the transports on the road.. euww) . Imagine yourself what it feels like.. Yesss.... There were seven of us. Three guys from Japan (Yosuke, Way and Takuya), funky girl from Netherland (Esma), sweet girl from China (hanjing) and we, Malaysia Truly Asia, ahahaha, Nasz and me. So we walk, and we walk and we walk and took some photos. Some of them kinda excited when seeing this plant that we called 'semalu' since it quickly respond when it were touch ......

Look at it ! look at it ! Whoaaa~~~

And we continue walk and walk and walk until we reached this place called 'Chew Jetty'. It's a small fisherman village where the houses were built on the water. We sat there for a while and there i met my old friend from JB, Chai. I like the smell of that place. You know, smell of the sea...

We had breakfast somewhere there at around 10am. And again, continue walking in the Gurney area. It was fun together with a great people ! I haven't feel tired yet and enjoying the walk very much !

beca !

Nice to see an old and historical buildings...

The weather getting hot since it was afternoon. Man, i feel really really tired ! But still, the ~~show~~ journey must go on ! What a relief after we had reach Gurney Plaza. It was around 1pm and we stayed there almost two hours to have lunch.

What a relief after reach Gurney !

way and esma !

Yosuke is praying before having his meal. Itadakimasu !

Don't try this at home ! Pissed off coz our meal took soooo long to arrive. Hey i'm hungryyy !!

All right, we had our lunch. So then, there we go again.. Continue our journey... My leg started to cramp. Seriously. I got myself a bandage for my knee so that i'll feel a bit better. Though, it's not really work. My leg getting sweat and the bandage suddenly dropped. ahahaha. Plus, my feet getting hurt. And the sun burning my skin... Oh my ! It was really exhausting ! On that moment, i was wondering to myself why am i doing all these... And suddenly, the moment when i was on a canoe two years ago strikes back. Yeah, that was the same feeling i feel. Kinda the same experience in terms of the exhausting part. I try to calm my inner feeling that i can make it through, just like when i used to canoeing around Penang island. It at least keep me in spirit. So, yeah, i keep walking with the rest of them. Theres a time we stop a while because i really cannot stand of my hurting leg and feet. We saw a pharmacy and yosuke brought me there where i got myself tiger balm and ..... (oh, i forgot what it were called.. something you wear at your knee, usually were wore by footballers). And yes, we do stop few times and take a rest. Fuhhh !!

Ahahaha. I cannot smile anymore. heee...

cute !

esma can still smiling ! yes, she got the most energy after yosuke !

gagagaga ! this journey is nothing for Yosuke !

Again, stop a while by the road side after few hours of walking.

Hey look who's leading ! Girl power ! ahahaha.

When we were about to reach Tanjung Bungah, Takuya vomited. Yosuke and esma stand near the road and try to get a cab to send Takuya back to campus. Nasz and Way following him back since both of them (way and takuya) just arrived Malaysia few days before. Too bad they cannot finish the journey. But what is more important of course about their health. Plus, takuya seems cannot continue any further. He looked really sick. Poor him. So, it just left four of us, continue the long day journey. It's kinda a bit hard to walk on the small road in Tanjung Bungah area. Cars are everywhere. We really need to be cautious. We reached Masjid Terapung and stop there for a while and esma get in the mosque to pray.

Again, continue walking .....

Yes ! still remember this moment. Esma was too lazy to throw the chewing gum paper. Instead, she wrote that and gave it to Yosuke. Cute isn't ? See later what Yosuke did with that paper. At this moment also when we having a short break, my mom called me and asked about the journey. Well, i'm feeling a bit better after hear her voice.

Glad when we saw this !

Yosuke proudly shows the signboard ! Yeahhh !!

And yeahhh !!!! Finally we reached the destination ! Exhausted !

Then we sat on the beach... Seriously, I feel so good that at last we made it !! It was around 7pm when we reach there.

We had dinner after that and lepak there quite a while....

And then, there we go, took a bus and back to usm .....

I remember there was a man sitting in front of me shaving his face. Eeeuuwwhhh, gross ! Can't he find any other places to do that ? ahahah.

.
.

And that is how the journey end. What an awesome day we had ! At least, theres a good memory to be remember. And wait! We got certificate! No kidding ! Yes, we got a certificate. Nice one. Made by the project manager, yosuke, eventhough this was just for fun!

this one for those who made it half way. ehehehe.

only the tough will survived ! ahaha !

and this one for those who made it till the end of the day!

I wonder when will i do this kind of thing again ? Anybody interested to join ? ehehehe.

oh ketam yang diikat kakinya ! (xde kena mengena)

until next time
byeee

I feel like a puzzle

2010-05-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

I have so many things to say. But i'm too tired to think about it. To conclude, i'm worried. Feeling unsure. I can't find the missing pieces. Maybe there is. But it just me that make it hard to put it all together. How long will i take to make up my mind ? The time is running. I hate making decision !

source : google image

That's it.

I need more time to think. Until when ? We'll see.

Done Semua

2010-05-03T12:55:00.000+08:00

Just finish exam

I'm done with all papers

But i seriously not happy

I did my exam badly

Really

Yes i had studied

But i know it was last minute

Thought that i can manage it

But no

I wasn't able to do so

Kinda headache

Since i had been awake

Till morning and straight went for exam

And my eyes keep feeling uncomfort

I keep pushing my brain

Trying to memorized what i had read

Sometimes okey

Sometimes plain

I'm worried

Really worried

What's my result gonna be ?

What if the result that i'll get not allows me to pursue my studies?

What if ?

What will i end up to be ?

Ya Allah .... Semoga keputusan tidak seteruk yang saya jangkakan

Endless love

2010-05-03T00:20:00.000+08:00

via sms

Saya :

Tomoro is my last paper. Doakan yaya ya.

Mak :

Esok paper yaya pukul brapa? yaya baru bangun nk study ke ?

Saya :

Pkul 9am. Tak la. Td je lelap sejam. Try to sleep early if possible. I'm still studying at the moment.

Mak :

K mak pun jap lgi nk wat solat hajat utk yaya ni mak kt umah, tita takut tinggal sorang. jap lgi tidolah k dear, selamat.

Saya:

Thanks mom ! Gud nite ! Love ya !

*I feels like crying at this moment*

kesayangan

Bila dah mengidam

2010-05-02T05:04:00.001+08:00

Saya bangun tidur around 2am tadi. Termimpi pulak makan ais krim goreng (yummy !) yang tak pernah saya makan sebelum ni. Ni semua gara-gara adik-beradik kat rumah asyik dok post kat fesbuk pasal ais krim goreng sebab kedai kita orang dah tambah menu baru iaitu ais krim goreng. Tita (klik sini) tokey besar dia.

Mula-mula bangun tidur of course la intention mahu studi. Tapi suddenly "tak boleh jadi !" Kena gak dapatkan ais krim goreng tu. Kat mana ehh ada? Previously, my sis, Nana cakap kat Restoran Khaleel belakang USM ni ada. Jadi saya sarung jeans dan T, jalan dengan penuh yakin sorang-sorang di pagi-pagi buta semata-mata nak dapatkan apa yang saya idamkan sambil bawa nota Isu-isu Khas Dalam Sejarah Awal Asia Tenggara. (Kononya nak studi sementara tunggu menu yang di order tiba sebab jangkaan awal akan lepak sorang-sorang, jadi tak de lah dok melangok je kan. Bukan mahu tunjuk rajin ya ! Ada exam pagi esok !)

Sampai kat Khaleel, tanya sama itu mamak, tapi hampa, ais krim goreng tidak dijual di sana. Kecewa ! Lepas tu saya heading ke Restoran Istimewa yang beberapa je langkah dari Khaleel. Jumpa Abang Man dan Asang di sana. So join these guys. Again, frustrated ! Ais krim goreng tiada juga dijual di situ. Jadi saya order lah something yang ada ais krim, Banana Pancake with Honey and Ice Cream. Jadi lah.. Tapi yang pancake nye bukan betul-betul pancake. Ia adalah sejenis roti canai pisang yang ditambah madu dan ais krim.

Saya bayangkan Banana Pancake with Honey and Ice Cream tu macam ini (minus coklat tu ganti honey... sungguh lazattt kan !) :

(sumber: Google image)

Ternyata jangkaan meleset bila apa yang diperoleh adalah ini :

(sumber : Google image)

Namun, apa yang sebenarnya saya mahukan adalah ini ! ini ! ini !

(sumber : Google image)

Oh kempunan !

Moral of the story : Jangan dok gatai cari benda macam ni kat Mamak. Mane lah ada....

Plain Day

2010-05-01T21:18:00.006+08:00

Nothing much i did today

Off to bed at 8am

Woke up around 2pm

Went to library

Get some books

Studying a while

Break fasting with Anak Kawan Emak (Hafiz)

(nasi gorengnya sedappp sangat hari ni)

After this like usual la..

Zzzzz and wake up later

Then continue study

I miss family so bad

And Lyana and Fara and Mona

These girls that i always hang out with when i'm in JB

Abah, Emak, Mai, Aida, Tita, Ani, Nana and Ayul

You guys are my happiness !

Liyana Hishamuddin

The hot chick ! Love you bebeh!

Farah Aqilah

She just look awesome in everything !

Mona (in the middle)

Rindu mahu slumber party !

Waniey

How i wish she could be together with us !

Nadia Azmi

Old time buddy and now still : miss her !

And Suzila (upper six bestie)

Man! i don't have her photo

Just so you know that i miss you !

Ohh Ohh need to mention, the latest addiction

My Mr. B

walaupun sekadar gambar hiasan, but i see Mr. B in him. eheheh.

p/s : Not sure when will i going back to my home sweet home ...............

Done Dua !

2010-04-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

I slept at around 9pm last night

Then woke up when abah called

We talked and i got up and start studying

(read blogs, chatting and activated back my fesbuk, need to be include)

And stop around 9am and after that i Zzzzz

Then i woke up around 12 noon

Got sms from mak

Wishing me good luck

Feeling touch when she told me that she had solat hajat for my exam

(if result teruk jugak, for sure depa frust)

I get myself ready after that had my luch

(Rm 1 je dia cas sbb nasi siket : bagus.. bagus....)
And nervously walked to the exam hall

I'm pretty sure that i had done my best for the exam

But considering the mark that stated

With the question that need to be answered

Makes me feel unsure

(ape tak, 1 soklan kecil, 20 markah, tak tahu nak goreng apa da...)

But it had already done

So just leave it to Allah

(moga-moga lecturer bagi markah ok la hendaknya)

Then had dinner with Anis at Mutiara

At the same time watching documentary about the wild

Aummm !!!!

I'm sooo damn full !

(mana tak, dia bagi nasi goreng macam untuk 2 orang makan dengan milo ais yang pekat dengan kerabu mangga plus ais limau asam boi)

Now i'm tired and wanna Zzzzz

Later will wake up and continue study

(macam ni kot rasanya ular sawa kekenyangan after pekena kambing sekoq)

Semoga berjaya berpuasa esok ! InsyaAllah.

Done Satu !

2010-04-29T19:54:00.000+08:00

Ok ke tak ehh tadi ?

Kertas Khas Dalam Sejarah Asia Tenggara

Four essays in three hours

Fuhhh !!!

Ntah la, buat je..

Goreng secukup rasa..

Merapu pun ada kot tadi...

Banyak sekali !

Before went to exam

Pakai cantik-cantik

Actually nervous like hell

But saja tenangkan hati

Coz i wanna feel confident when get in the examination hall

Tapi ada jawab a few soalan macam hampeh

Calm dulu ....

Now focus for tomorrow exam

Major Themes in Selected World Religions

Semoga dipermudahkan oleh-Nya

*Lepas exam pekena nasi ayam madu with Qyla and Kak Nurul di Pantai Jerejak. Makan sambil dibuai dek angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa... Enak sungguh ! Ok, dah tahu satu lagi nice place!

Hatiku berdangdut !

2010-04-29T02:46:00.003+08:00

*Bagi saya sepuluh minit sebelum mula studi*

Saya tak berapa nak layan irama dangdut (cuma a few lagu Amelina yang terbaik tetap menjadi pojaan hatikuu) dan post ini tiada kena mengena dengan dangdut.. Apa yang dangdutnya ? Hati ini... Berdebar-debar.. So i try to calm myself by blogging for a while before i get back on my studies ! So i got like around 12 hour before i start my first paper for this final exam. The exam gonna start at 2.15pm. Just was at the moment, i suddenly feels nervous. But it is better now. A bit, at least. I went to the library yesterday and glad i met two of my course mate where we shares some note for tomorrow exam. It wasn't a plan after all. My intention at first is just to borrow some book there but thanks to Allah i met them there. Alhamdulillah. Before that, i went to International Office coz i need to return back a novel that i borrowed from Esma, 'The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas'. The story was nice and i enjoy reading in during my study week (instead of studying).

Lepas balik dari library, i'm having dinner with Ain. Reach my room around 9pm++ and i straight went to bed and Zzzzz .... I was panic when i woke up ." Man, i haven't studied much and tomorrow is my exam!". Then i sat for a while on the bed, trying to calm myself. Telling my inner feeling that i still have time to study but WITHOUT SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT. Suddenly my mom called me and asked what time is my exam tomorrow. She wished me all the best and gonna pray for me. "Mak ngan abah doakan Yaya". I had asked my mom to do solat hajat for me sebab saya tahu doa seorang ibu (dan bapa as well) adalah paling mujarab dan kalau boleh saya tak mahu la kecewakan mereka kan. Okeyh (please jangan rasa ini poyo ehh) : Saya rasa terharu la kan ! Nanti before exam mak akan kejutkan saya bangun tidur. Sebab waktu tidur saya ikut masa London. Ahahah. Termasuk En. Rosli ( lecturer Nana, Geofizik) yang suruh saya dapatkan A in all papers. InsyaAllah.

Saya bangun tidur. Duduk sebentar di atas kerusi. Cuba untuk muhasabah diri dan kemudian mandi. Lepas solat Isyak, saya praktikkan amalan yang sering saya lakukan masa waktu skola dulu terutamanya bila ada big exam (ye saya tahu, kita kalau nak solat sunat jangan nak tunggu ada exam je kan). Ok, di sini saya mahu berkongsi apa yang ustaz masa sekolat dulu pernah beritahu saya. Beliau cakap, if we want something really bad (benda baik la), everytime time baca Surah Yassin, bila sampai kat ayat yang ada perkataan mubim, berhenti kejap, niat dalam hati apa yang dihajati, then ulang bacaan Surah Yassin dari awal sehingga ke bahagian mubim seterusnya. And lakukan the same thing. Berhenti kejap, niat dalam hati, then start semula dari awal surah Yassin sehingga mubim seterusnya (after the second perkataan mubim) dan ulang sehingga sampai kepada perkataan mubim yang terakhir dalam surah tersebut. You guys get it ? Try browse kat website lain, barangkali dapat penjelasan yang lebih jelas. Lepas tu saya buat solat Istiharah dengan niat dapat pilih soalan yang InsyaAllah saya mampu jawab.

Saya cuba tenangkan diri (selain a bit miserable asyik dok fikir about Mr.B... dah la tadi masa dinner tak ketemu sama dia.. ishh..ishh...ishhh). Alhamdulillah, sekarang rasa lebih tenang. Like one of my kenalan fesbuk said, "Ketenangan ada dalam diri kita. Apa yang penting adalah kita kena yakin pada diri kita dan yakin pada Allah". Something like that la...

Ok, that is it. Jom la kita saling mendoakan untuk saya dan kalian punya exam ya ! Sekarang Yaya San perlu studi !

Mr B : Dreaming !

2010-04-27T16:36:00.003+08:00

Ya !

Saya mimpi beliau ~~malam~~ ehh, no, saya tidur pukul 8 lebih pagi tadi

Dan saya mimpi dia siang tadi lah

Dalam mimpi tu, dia lepak kat gerai jual baju depan RST (tetibe la pulak ada gerai kat sana kan)

Dan owner gerai tu adalah someone yang saya dan dia kenal

Dia pakai baju yang saya nampak dia semalam masa on the way balik makan

So saya ke sana konon-konon nak belek-belek baju

Padahal niat utama adalah nak tarik perhatian dia

Masa dok belek-belek baju, dia say something

Tak lah important sangat

Tapi saya konon buat-buat tak ambil pot

Pada hal dalam hati "ohh emm gee!"

And that's it ....

Tapi .....

Ia sekadar mimpi ....

Suatu petunjuk kah ?
Atau sekadar impian yang habuk pun tarak...

Haa......

Tang tu kita tak pasti

Just wait and see

Oh Mr. B !

Mr. B : Malunya ! crush !

2010-04-27T02:44:00.007+08:00

Hari ni dah masuk hari Selasa, 27 hari bulan April tahun 2010 (~~cehh, details~~) 29 April pulak gonna be my first day of exam. Kertas Khas Dalam Sejarah Asia. Seriouslyy, saya tak tahu apa yang saya dah studi. FYI, this sem i got 3 papers. but semua adalah killer paper ok... study week panjang gila... yela, exam dah start seminggu yang lepas, campur study week lagi, so i got longggg time to prepare for my exam. But honestly, i just had done like 30 percent preparation. Sumpah tak tipu ! Buang masa je tak payah la nak habaq. Facebooking lagi.. adehhh, serious tak boleh nak elak... Kalo you guys baca my previous post, you guys bole tahu what kind of person i am. Suka buat kerja last minute, pastu compain (~~sampai Qyla pun dah naik bosan~~, ehehehe)

So, nak dijadikan cerita, dua hari lalu, Ahad, En. Rosli (lecturer Nana kat School of Physic, beliau mahu dipanggil Encik, instead of Dokter, what a humble man and nice too !) Ok, beliau call saya. Mula-mula tanya khabar. Nana and her friends was with him at that time, having lunch. After berbicara seketika, he asked me something. He wanted me to give him an A for every subject that i'm taking this semester. Saya agak ragu-ragu. mampu kah. I even tell him at first that i'm not sure if could ever get it (sebab masa tu pun i knew i haven't studied much). But then he said, he want nothing else but such result. So i says, "InsyaAllah, i will try to score". But until at this very moment i'm still not sure if could ever get such result. Semua orang cakap saya boleh. But the thing is, saya tidak pasti jika saya mampu. Semalam dah deactivated akaun fesbuk. Sebab i spent too much time kat situ daripada belajar. Sumpah tak tipu! So, kononnya dah janji takkan active fesbuk untuk seminggu. Plus, lately ni adalah gila crush kat someone sampai setiap masa kalau saya bukak fesbuk saya, fesbuk dia (Mr. B) mesti dekat tab sebelah. Sampai macam gitu sekali. ish..ish..ishh. Semoga berbaloi. Kenapa Mr. B ? Sebab that "B" alphabet describe something on him. Sorry tak boleh mention di sini. Theres a posibility, mana tahu dia (Mr.B) pun baca blog ni kan. ehehehe (sebab saya state url blog ni kat fesbuk saya)

Ok, kita bukak topik baru berkaitan dengan crush saya. I did mention about him kat previous post (klick sini) , kat part yang 'i saw a hunky just now'. Haaa, dia lah.. Sejak after that, asyik asyik asyik ingat kat dia.. But i knew, he just gonna be like any other guys yang saya pernah crush. hehehehe. Saya rasa saya dibolehkan untuk bersikap demikian sebab saya takde boipren lagi. ehehehhehe. So takpelah kan cuci cuci mata ni ? You guys nak cakap saya gedik ka, apa ka, suka hati you guys la. Yang penting saya ni ~~perempuan suci~~, ehh ehh, itu sudah pasti, yang penting saya tahu jaga diri. Sejak dari itu, punya lah asyik cari profile dia kat fesbuk. Tapi tak berjaya. Sampai la satu hari teringat yang kawan saya adalah kawan dia. So, cari lah. Dan yaey!! Jumpa! Sebab huruf pangkal nama dia bermula dengan huruf yang agak awal dalam alphabet. Lagi menyenangkan pencarian sebab ada gambar dia. Sebab i don't even know his name. Lepas dah jumpa, apa lagi kan, add la. Nasib baik dia approve. Sejak dari itu, setiap kali bukak fesbuk, mesti bukak profile dia. Nak 'poke' malu. Nak comment status dia, fikir banyak kali. Nak say 'hi', takut sekali. Memang lah dia tak makan orang (ya kah? hahahhah... maybe) tapi, saya ni jenis yang tersangatlah malu if ada guy , nak nak yang tak pernah kenal saya, tahu yang saya selama ni dok minat kat dia. Ishhh... tak boleh! Malu. Rasa macam perigi cari timba. Even budaya ni dah diterima sekarang ni, but for me, biarlah at least dia notice kita dulu. Of course lah saya kena bekerja keras untuk mendapatkan perhatian dia kan. Yang itu, kita wait and see lah ya..

All right, berbalik kepada cerita, sejak dari itu, saya kerap ke restoran yang saya selalu terserempak dia makan di situ bersama kawan-kawannya. Saya tak pasti jika selama ini dia pernah perasan saya. But theres a few time, kalau tak silap, kami saling berpandangan. Sebab saya kenal some of his friends. So, when i say 'hi' to them and he's there, of course lah dia perasan akan kewujudan saya kan. But he didn't seems friendly at all. Sumpah tak tipu! At least to me. Nampak saya, tak pernah nak senyum. Biarlah. Kang saya pulak yang perasan lebih-lebih kan.. haihhh. Then last week, almost a week saya makan di restoran tersebut (selain the fact that nasi goreng kampung dia sedap, tapi kena complain dulu, baru tukang masak tu buat sedap) dengan tujuan utama semata-mata mahu melihat wajahnya.. (i know ayat tak boleh blah). But he wasn't there. So, hanya dengan menjadi stalker di fesbuk nya sahaja lah sebagai jalan pengubat rindu (e'leh, you guys tak payah la nak cakap saya ni minah psycho. You guys kalau dah suka kat someone pun will do the same kan... ahhahah). Dan begitu lah seterusnya. Harapan tinggal harapan. Mungkin saya terlalu berharap. I sometimes remember one of my Buddies, Baby, told me "it happens when we least expected". Memang tepat sekali. Saya ni punya lah kemarok sampai tiap kali nak pergi dinner, hati mesti berdetik "harap-harap lah dia ada". Sampai tak fokus. Asyik tengok sana. Tengok sini. But it ended up nothing. He wasn't there. But then, from his fesbuk, melalui comment2 yang terpapar di page nya, barulah saya tahu dia akan kembali ke sini pada sekian haribulan. Okeyh, lega sikit sebab lepas ni tak payah la berharap akan jumpa dia buat masa terdekat ni.

But tadi! Yes tadi! Petang tadi masa on the way balik makan (tadi dinner kat tempat lain coz i had already expected that he's not gonna be there) Tetibe teman saya sergah saya cakap "ehh yaya, tu dia kan (bukan nama sebenar)" and i was like "ohh emm gee! ohh emm gee! yes it's him!" .Punya lah gembira tak terkira. Anis said that dia pandang saya. Mungkin pandangan kosong sama seperti dia tengok orang lain. But tak pe lah. And we got something similar coz both of us wearing the same baju color and seluar color! (cehh, mula lah saya perasan dah jodoh.. ehehehhehe) But still tak puas hati. So you guys know what i did? Saya patah balik tapi ikut laluan lain, pergi semula ke restoran where we had meal before, tapau milo ais. Tujuannya semata-mata bila patah balik kat tempat dia makan, dia akan betul-betul perasan akan saya. But then, masa jalan kat situ, saya seriously tak berani nak pandang ke arah dia. Even i know one of his friend. Anis cakap anis nampak that guy (Mr.B) tunduk je. Kalau betul, nampaknya usaha saya sia-sia lah kan. Lepas tu nampak lah pula my buddies, Hakim dan Fahmi sedang makan. Apa lagi, ceritalah kat depa about what i did. But i didn't mention who the guy is. Well, yes. Saya memang suka berkongsi kegembiraan dan ke'excited'an kat orang lain. Terutamanya teman yang saya kira rapat. Mesti nak express what i feels. Lagi satu sebab fesbuk dah deactivated kejap. So tak boleh la nak post status untuk kongsi berita gembira tersebut kan. Masa on the way balik, i keep thinking about it. Kenapa lah saya tak tegur kawan dia yang juga kawan saya kan. At least dia akan pandang saya. Dan mungkin akan ingat yang saya ada add dia kat fesbuk. hhmmm.... Dah sampai kat desa, saya jerit panggil Vithya dari bawah bilik dia. And told her about that. Then sampai je bilik, saya ke bilik sebelah dulu, told Nisa the same thing. Yelah, after a week keep waiting to see his face, sekali nampak pula kan, of course lah excited. Plus, now dah tak boleh nak buka fesbuk for a week. Bagaimana mampu menahan sanunabari untuk menatap gambarnya (~~saya pun geli dengan ayat ini.~~ ehehehehe) Obvious kan? Hhhmm, macam tu lah bila dah crush kat someone kot. Tak tahu la pulak orang lain. Saya pernah gak crush kat a few guys. Tapi semua ended up just like that.

Yang penting, hanya Allah yang tahu siapa jodoh saya. I just believe that the reason why i haven't fall in love is because those guys i had met are not the one and this is not the time. Again, hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui. Jika benar this guy yang saya crush sekarang ni is the one (coz i keep thinking about him) i just pray to Allah, at the same time buat solat istiharah supaya diberikan petunjuk kepada diri saya dan diri dia. InsyaAllah.

Sekadar gambar hiasan. Wentworth Miller. At leats they got something in common. Tang mana? Haaa, yang tu kita tak tahu !

Okeyh, coretan ini hanya untuk melepaskan tekanan study. You guys, please pray that i'll do well in my exam eh! I need to get back on my studies !

Have a nice day !

Selamat Hari Jadi Mak !

2010-04-26T21:03:00.010+08:00

Today, 26 April 2010 is my mother's birthday. She was born in 1961. I love you mak ! Here's for you, Song For Mama by Boyz II Men ...

You taught me everything
Everything you've given me
I'll always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life, yeah

There isn't anything

Or anyone that I could be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were grey

Whenever I was down

You were always there to comfort me

And noone else can be

What you have been to me you will always be

You will always be the girl

In my life for all times

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Yes it is, yes it is, oh, yes it is, yes it is, yes it is oh

You're always there for me

You have always been around for me even when I was bad

You showed me right from my wrong

Yes you did

And you took up for me

When everyone was downin' me

You always did understand

You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times

Looking back when I was so afraid

And then you come to me and say to me

I can face anything

And no one else can do

What you have done for me

You'll always be, you will always be

The girl in my life, oooh, oh

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Never gonna go a day without you

Fills me up just thinkin' about you

I'll never go a day

Without my Mama

Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Lovin' you is like food to my soul, oh yeah

You are the food to my soul, yes you are.

Mak, You're the greatest!

Thank you very much for all your sacrifices to raise me up until now

I Love You Mak !

Forever!

I promise to make you proud of me one day

And InsyaAllah

I wanna bring you to a nice place for vacation

I wanna bring you to a nice restaurant

I wanna buy you luxury stuff

But i know, it's still not worth enough if equal to what you had done for the rest of us in the family

InsyaAllah one day

If i becoming a carrier woman

I hope to bring you happiness

Thank you mak !

My endless love for you

Forever ....

Past and Present... Future? maybe...(Part II: Present and Previous)

2010-04-20T06:11:00.011+08:00

Fuhh !! seriouslyyy, it's gonna took long to finish up one entry (continue to the previous chapter, i mean last entry, the first part lah) again, sorry for any grammatical errors whatsoever. i really wanna up date this or otherwise i can't focus on my studies or post any new entry which is not related with the previous one. okey, okey. Let's begin...

Part II : Life in USM

I still worked at Secret Recipe the day before i went to Penang to register in USM. I have this male friend. He worked together with me in Dominos Pizza. He likes me. Ok, i'm not being 'perasan' ok. He told me that he likes me. But i just wanna be friend with him eventhough he being very nice to me, like really really nice. That was it. Our relationship until now still, i dunno... sometimes ok, sometimes not. Maybe i don't really know about guy much. Ahh, let it be... On my last day at home, he brought me out coz i need to do some shop.That was the last time we met. Until now, he keep giving me excuses everytime i asked to meet up. I don't understand, he said that he can accept me as his friend. But why is he behaving such way? As for me, i wanna find a good man to be my husband. Not just as a boyfriend. Hey, it's about my future. of course i need to be particular about this, right. I don't really have high expectation on guys. It's enough for me if he has matured thinking, never leaves prayer everyday, at least have knowledge about islam better that me, someone that can guide me, responsible is for sure, 'sekufu' (that's what our last prophet told us to find), can compromise with both interest, romantic (hehe). Yes, for time being, it's fine for me to be single. Simple! But i'm waiting the one for me that had been promised by Allah. I hope he's a good man. Amenn.

Ok, then, my first day in USM was fine. Yeah, a bit excited to be here. Happy as well since i got my sister, nana that also in her final year by that time. What really that worried me the most was about 'room-mates'. I keep thinking who's gonna be my room-mate. Is she nice? Is she gonna like me? Can we get ourself along through out the year? But Alhamdulillah, i got a really nice room-mate. Syida dan Wani. Even Wani is still my room-mate now. I like staying with her and she is really a nice person to be known! Loveee her !

In the fisrt week, of course, Orientation. I got to know cool senior that managed all the first year during orientation week, that we called, Pembimbing Pelajar Minggu Suaikenal (PPMS). Kak ain che abas, kak mala, kak yong, kak rina and others. They were really nice! They makes me feel like wanna becoming part of then on the next orientation. A week after that, we started to do practice for Malam Variasisiwa. It was a night for the first year to show their talent and get to know with PPMS more closer. We became family ! I got to be a role as 'poem reader' that i have to be the first to perform in front of the crowd. Nervous! i can still remember that moment. But yaey, i made it! Ahh, Variasiswa was great ! Then i suddenly were asked to join our hostel council, Majlis Penghuni Desasiswa Indah kembara (MPDIK) where i became an exco for Cultural and Integration. Man, i have no idea why i suddenly were chosen to be an exco eventhough i was just a first year student. But i feels it was an honour for me. Lots of activities had be organised bt MPDIK and the best of all is Detik Manis Bersama Angkawasan where i got the chance to meet our very first Malaysian austronout, Datuk Syeikh Muszaphar Shukor. He was a great man. We (all the secretariat) had a dinner with him the night before the day of Detik Manis Bersama Angkasawan and it was awesome. Then, theres a session after dinner where we having a talk with him. Aahhhh.... i can't take my eyes on him ! He was in front of me. Imagine how cool was that! I was in charged to get a souvenir and i got him a book. I first get an opinion from Prof. Zainal Ariffin (my dad's friend from School of Management, since he kinda know the astrounout) of what should be appropriate to give him. And that was the idea of getting a book came from. I remember one day that Prof forwarded an sms to me, that he got from the astronout, saying that he like the book and thank you very much for that. Whooaaaa.... hahhahah. awesome! Then, i was a dancer for Citrawarna and at the same week involved with projek warga. The best thing when i was in my first year is when i joined Kelab Rekreasi Unisains (KRU), canoeing around Penang Island for three days! What else in my first year??

Leadership Camp at Sedim for MPDIK
committee for Karnival Rakan Muda USM
commitee for Rakan Muda Dinner
committee for Convocation Expo, CONVEX (in-charge of exhibition)
etc..

Second year (roomate is Kak yuz)

Penghulunita Pembimbing Pelajar Minggu Suaikenal Indah Kembara ( hahhaha, i got to be PPMS Perempuan Popular, ceehhh ! )
Secretary of Sekretariat Rakan Muda USM
Secretary for Karnival Rakan Muda
Project Manager for Hari Raya Rakan Muda
Program Wawasan Desa IPT ( a few)
again, CONVEX
Hiking Expedition at Gunung Datuk, Negeri Sembilan, together with Johorean students from UKM
Fasilitator for Belia Benci Dadah (twice)
Deputy Director of Publicity Department in National Research & Innovation Competition 2009 (NRIC)
Went to Pangkor for seminar 'Program Melahir Pejuang Bangsa'
etc...

Yes, every activities that i had been joining had it's own memory... On my final year, i was at first had made a promise to myself not to join anything. But i ended up joining Buddies. until now, still. And i know that i won't regrets it as it was the bestest club/society that i had joined so far. Indeed! I met nice and cool people around the world. Make new friends. Know their culture. Sharing experience at the same time broaden my knowledge. And at least i'm not really too awkward to speak in english eventhough i knew it still not good enough. Well at least i try to improve. ehehehehe. I get to know Puan Latifah aka Cik Tipah, Buddies advisor. And i adore her, the way she manage her job, handling us and everything. I can say that i had learnt a lot from her even now i still get lots of new input! I met cool buddies that i feel like a sister and brother. Qyla, ain, faten, aufa, eve, nik, hakim, mien, kazue, angie edward, syuk, nisa and tooooo many. Nice person that somehow inspires me like Yosuke, Agha, Rebecka and others. So, basically, during my final year...

Student Exchange Program Orientation Week (Semester I and II)
committee for Seminar Kebangsaan Sejarah Malaysia : Di mana kebenarannya?
Sport X-Treme
In-charge for Food Bazaar and Food Competitin during International Day

I had fun. Sometimes stress with fyp. But theres always a good friend that support me. Vithya, Anes, Fiza, ohhh, many.. Thanks friends!

Enough until now as i need to get back on my studies for my final year exam. I hope i'll do well. Amin

will be continue....

Past and Present... Future? maybe... (Part I : Past)

2010-04-16T05:26:00.006+08:00

I used to have a diary. But i'm not feeling safe of having it. It's gonna be ashame if someone read it. But that was before. So now, i have my own blog where i can express everything that i feel i wanted to. Also, now, i do not really mind of what others thought of my intention of telling all this. For me, the reason of what i did is because this is a memory. A good thing to remember. A valuable things that had and happens in my life. I do not need others to read this if they do not want to. I'm not showing off if others think that this is like giving a credit to myself when it comes to the part when i wrote something good about myself or whatsover. No. I write just whatever come across my mind that i feel that i'm being honest with myself, with what i'm gonna tell. May i remind, i'm in the process of improving my English language, as this is also part of the reason i wrote in English. There will be lots of grammatical errors and maybe unsuitable term of explanation. Still, i'm trying to make the best of it.

It's been almost three years i'm in Penang. Studying in USM. My life had been great so far, i can say. I met cool peoples around me. Joining activities was the most exciting part. I had experienced a lot (compared to the previous life back in my hometown). An experience that i had never been so far. It's like a journey though. Of course, i haven't discover much here, in Penang. But what i had gone through all this while, really had taught me a lot about life. Let me recall back...

Part I : Past - Before entering USM

I always wanted to get into university so bad. While i was in form 1 (13 years old), seeing my senior that going to finish their studies makes me feel like i can't wait to get into form 5. Although, i was just entering into high school. Funny. Yes, but that is what i felt. Later on, when i was in form 2, my sister, Nana, get an excellent result in her PMR. I feel proud of having a brilliant sister that some of my friends talk about her and adores her. My brother was in form 5. While my elder sister was in her first year in university, UITM, taking diploma in business (if i'm not mistaken). But i didn't done well in my final exam that time (form 2). So, i got into... not in a good rank of class while i was in form 3. But i had promise to myself that i wanna score in PMR. And makes nana as my role model. The teachers being very good to me. Like i'm their favorite student. At first, i was an assistant monitor in the class. Then, i becoming the class monitor a few weeks after that (if i'm not mistaken) because the ex-monitor had caused lots of trouble. Funny, every time i thought of that. You know boys in that age. I hope he's a good man now.

Back to the story, I think i did well in most of the exam that year (before the big exam, PMR) and always got in the first place of ranking in class. Alhamdulillah. Though, i felt that it's wasn't good enough for me . I had a best friends. And most of them not in the same class with me. We were in the same class while in the previous year (form 2). But still, we hang out together, and formed a study group, and having tuition all subject together. Most of them were in the first and second rank of class. So, having them as a good friends makes me eagerly wanna be as clever as them. In the same year, i was having another big exam in religion school (sekolah agama). It's very common at my place where the children were sent to religion school. So we had two school to attend everyday in the different session. It's either we go to daily school (where normal subject were taught like BM, BI, Geo, Science etc.) in the morning session while in the afternoon we go to religion school (where we were taught about subject that related with islamic principles like Quran, hadith, faraid, muamalat, history of our prophets etc.) or the other way round. In my case that year, i had fulfilled my six year of studying in religion school. But i need to attend religion class every Saturday morning because i was in a 'darjah khas' (special standard of year of religion education in Johor after one had finish their six years of studying in religion school previously). I had missed lots of the class because in the same day, we have extra-class in the daily school because the big exam, PMR were just around the corner. While, the exam for 'darjah khas' are gonna be a few month after the big exam (PMR). Even though my PMR result wasn't good as nana (as she got straight A's while i only managed to get 6 A's and 2 B's ... need to mention, math and science was the subject i didn't scored an A) i think i had done good enough (at least for a student who were not in the good ranking of class). And Alhamdulillah, i got first grade in 'darjah khas' examination in religion school ( a result that allows me to be an 'ustazah' or a teacher in religion school, if i want to).

Then, when i turned into form 4, i got into science stream. Second rank of class of science stream in the school. And most of my good friends had moved to another school, a good school that far away from mine where they staying in the hostel. Then, i made some of other good friends. Form 4 was a great year of school i can say (also referred as a 'honeymoon' year, since theres no big exam) At fist, i was choose to be the assistant monitor. But just a few week after that, i had resigned from that position because i got to be the school prefect. I had a great time while i was in form 4. It was my first time having dinner in a hotel (a dinner that was organised for the school prefects) and in the same year, our class organised a bbq dinner at a nice park where i can still remember that it was also my first time going to an occasion with a theme, which is 'black and white'. Is was a really nice memory every time i thought of it. I'm a bit lost while i'm in form 4. I had so much fun.

Then, a year after that, i was having another big exam, SPM. Yes, i do studies a lot. But i think i'm not a brilliant student, like my sister. I'm not good in science subject (like chemistry, biology and physic) and both math and add match. This was the moment that i feel kinda regrets of taking science stream. But its already too late for me to change into arts or business stream. So, i just go with the flow. Studying as much as i can afford (especially i the subject that i weak, and sometimes i feel like giving up) I had already expected the result that i was about to get for SPM. Though, i wasn't really suprise when the result came out where i just managed to scored an A's all in the basic subject (BM, BI, Islamic, History) and not really well in science subject. After that, i got to join National Service program and it was an awesome experience i had!

Then i really wanna get into university so bad. But i didn't get the opportunity, yet. So i get into form 6. Studies for almost one and a half year in school, again. I was very frustrated at first since i didn't get into university. Both my sister were in university. While my brother in polytechnic. And all my good friends also get into university and matriculation. Somehow, it makes me feel jealous of them, since they had experienced campus life earlier than i was. When we hang out together, all of them keep telling their experiences in campus, and all the excitement. While me, just a plain story, nothing interesting. What do you expect? Studying in school, still. Wearing school uniform and the classroom, and the blackboard, again. Nothing new like the old days in previous years of schooling.

We moved to another house, not really comfort as the old we had stayed. The new home was in a village area. A bit far from all my good friends home. A bit far from the city, JB. And it was really a new environment for me. It was a small house. I remember once when it was raining a lot, the place got flood since theres a river a just few miles away from my house. And it makes the water level increased. And the water got into our house. I sometimes cries. I know i shouldn't have to. But, when it was my first time ever face that, i feel why my life is so difficult? Why i have no face all this? I know i have to be grateful of what i had. But, yes, thinking that both my sister did not have to face that since they were already in university, i somehow feel unlucky. My Goodness, i shouldn't think that way. But that was the time i really feel down to myself. And, when the water had got into the house, theres so many things to do. Like putting all the things at a little bit high place, cleaning and everything.

And yes, the moment that i won't forget, where my beloved late gramma that i called 'atok' fell sick. Arwah, (referring to someone that had passed away in islamic term) was trying to save my cat just in front of the door, from a monitor lizard (biawak) (since when the flood was about to settled down, there will be an animal like that on the land). And the floor wasn't dry enough and that is when arwah had fallen down. Right after that, arwah couldn't walk and just sitting on the wheelchair and lay on the bed most of the time. We, all the sibling looked after her. Arwah had living with us since my parent get married. Arwah was the one who take care of us since we were babies. I'm gonna sit for a big exam, STPM (Malaysian Higher Education Examination, sorta) that year. Sometimes, i just stay at home with arwah alone, when the other sisters (younger than me) was out, helping my parent. I feel regrets every time i thought of this. I feel regret because i don't think that sometimes i was not look after arwah well while she was sick. I always cries everytime i thought of this. Forgive me for what i had done. While i was at home with arwah alone and that was just a few month near to the big exam and i was busy studying, and when arwah keep asking me to do this and that, and arwah need this and that, it sometimes makes me feel tired of it. How bad i was that time. Allah, forgive me and may arwah soul rest in peace, Al-fatihah. I do love her. Indeed, i swear to myself. I love her a lot. But by that time, i'm kinda stress sometimes, with a bunch of homework, studying for test.

Form six was really hard. Really. At school, teachers gives too much homework. And sometimes there will be a test/exam. And i always wanted to score in those. And i always wanted my homework will get done with not much mistakes or no mistakes at all. So, i try really hard to do the best that i can. Stayed back after school hour and studying with my bsetie in that school, usually with Suzila and Muammar Ghadafi. Then woke up early in the morning, usually around 3am where at first i do a prayer, an extra prayer when you are expecting something or wish to get something to be fulfilled by Allah (we called it solat hajat) and then straight to studies until it time to go to school. Yes, it was lots of pressure. While at the same time arwah keep calling me for this and that. And i sometimes 'merungut'. Again, i shouldn't done that and i feel bad every time i thought of it. Even until now, i always feel like wanna do community works like helping in old folks home. I look forward for that. Perhaps it makes me feel like that its one of the way for me to pay back of what had arwah done in arwah's life to the family, to me. And since i couldn't pay what arwah's had done while arwah still alive, i mean like gives arwah luxury item, or bring arwah's to a nice place or restaurant. But i knew, nothing much more worth than pray for her everytime i done with my prayer. May arwah's soul rest in peace and categorized together with the good people in arwah's world now. Al-Fatihah.

Arwah passed away after a few months arwah fell sick. And that was very near to the time to sit an exam. Imagine how i feel? I was down. I remember, when it was the time to sent nana to the bus station when she was about to go back to her university (same uni as mine, usm, Penang) my heart cries. Feeling unfair considering the fact that she's not going through like what i had been there. I mean, staying in that house, taking care of arwah (before arwah passed away). And the school (honestly, i do not really like it at first but i really enjoying after a few months there. I swear!) Yes, now i knew i'm being selfish everytime i thought of that. On that very moment, i made a promise to myself that i wanna be like her. Get into university, experience campus life. So, i put more effort in my studies and Alhamdulillah, i got to be the best student in school. Though, i had someone that i made as my role model other that my sisters. We never met but what he wrote in the school magazine had really inspires me. Yes, he did. And i keep reading it everytime i have no mood to studies. Until now. It somehow really worked and i gained back my enthusiasm to studies! I wish to meet him one day. Just wanna meet him and see him in person. I hope...

After that, after my elder sister, Tita finish her studies, we moved to a new house. Much better that the previous house we lived. Tita had sacrifices to the family a lot. We got to get lots of thing that we never get and experienced before. She bought that home (where we stay now). And i really love it first time i get in the house. It has four bedroom where we all the sisters get the masters bedroom and sleep together in there. Alhamdulillah, the house that we stay now is much nicer compared to the previous houses that we used to lived. I had a thought sometimes that it's gonna be really cool if arwah still alive and can feel to live in that house and i'll make sure that she can just rest (but arwah really can't just sit and doing nothing because she loves to do the house work).

But now, when i thought back about the life i've been before (old house, flood, new school, form six), i feel more grateful that i had all those experience. A valuable one, indeed. It somehow taught me about life and becoming more appreciative person, of what i had. And not to take our love one for granted. Then, before the exam result come out, i work at Dominos Pizza for a few month and then working at the same time in Secret Recipe. Precisely, at first i worked at Dominos Pizza. Maybe around four month like that and used to work more that 12 hours when there are not much worker. But i really enjoying it. Even though i was just a part-timer, i work more than six hours a day. But that was before the company employed more employee. Then, when there was new workers coming in, my work hour were reduce and yes, i knew that i'm not gonna get much pay (it's not worth it when i include the bus fee to go the work place and the meals that i had to spent everyday). So i decided to do another job and i got to work at Secret Recipe. It's not really far from Dominos Pizza but i have to take a bus to go there. So, everyday after i got to work at two different places, i starts my day working at Dominos around 10 or 11 am until 5 pm and then went to Secret Recipe, starts to work at 6pm until 10 to 11pm. I enjoys both job. Yes, feeling tension sometimes with the co-workers and customers but that is what we have to face as part of the job. And it was really great when my bestie, Farah got to work with me in Secret Recipes while she having a mid-term break.

And yes, the best part is when the result to get into university was announced and i finally got myself into here. That was one of the best chapter in my life so far. The moment i'd been waiting. An exploration about what a campus life was all about. What it got of offer. That was how my life in here begins...

Will be continue...

Semereh cinta ape ntah...

2010-04-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

Hissshhhh!!

seriouslyy !!!

tension gila i'm watching that movie!

menyesal tak sudahh

nasib baik hari ni tiket rm6

kalo tak, mahu je menangis tak berlagu

citer ntah ape2..

gerammm ni! geram!

but i had fun with the girls.

nasib baik tgk ngan depa

kalo tgk sorang tadi like i used to did

bole hilang akal sekejap kot

ye lah, rasa loser pun ada

ok, it's not that i'm not support citer melayu

i like ok

especially yg latest ni , adnan sempit

gua layan beb

tapi citer yg tgk td

Semerah cinta steletto (x sure spelling)

sorry to say

but macam hampeh

malu weyh!!

malu nak ngaku..

hissshhh

sampai skang i can't accept the fact that i'm actually watching it

ohh emm gee!!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2010-04-12T00:41:00.004+08:00

He's on the plane at this moment

Flying to his hometown
Toyota City Japan
Few hours before he get on the plane
A moment to remember touch our emotion
There he was
Singing Leaving on a Jet Plane and Stand by Me
With his guitar
And his beautiful voice
It was a really touching momentum
As we burst out our tears

Gonna miss him a lot

He is one of a kind

I don't know if i will ever found such person after he left

Memory is a lot

For me, he's like a brother, also to others

He's also my sensei

Not just taught me Nihon Go

But also about life

First time i met him

I can feel that he got 'something'

And yes, eventhough he will come back here

I feel sad, others as well

Buddies will never be the same without him

His contribution is a lot

He is always positive about everything

That is why i believe when he's planning to do 'crazy' thing

Like walking from usm to Feringgi

I feel it's kinda impossible at first

But wait and see coz he say we can make it
And yes, he prove it !

I may not be the closest person to him like others

Somehow,

When remembering the times when we had activities together

It makes me feel how much i appreciate of his existence

Orientation Week is for sure

Then, when me, him, and two others went to Gurney to see Thaipoosam celebration

With the sea of people

He acts like a big brother who take care of his sister

Then, during the International Day

We make sushi until early morning

It may seems nothing for him
Coz he's ok if not sleeping

But it is really 'something' for me

Then again, i saw him carry the gas tank from Dataran Pelajar to IO

It makes me feel 'wow'

And i know will always adore of himself

His spirit, courage, positiveness, helpfulness, talent, creativeness, energeticness, nice voice
And others that is too many to mention

And yes, i used to feel hopeless, depress of too much work

And i ask him "How come you are so positive?"

And his reply will always i keep in my mind

"There are seriously tough things in your life. And there were and will be in my life as well. How hard it is, however,some time later you will talk of those tough as a good memory. So everytime i face to some problems, i appreciate the difficulties. Because i know it'll turn out to be your precious memories. That's how i think."

Yosuke Nimura,

Once a Buddies, Always a Buddies

*he gives such an impact to others especially the Buddies*

great time with great people

2010-04-10T16:45:00.001+08:00

Event : Gala Night

Project Manager : Fatin Farhana (Baby)

Venue : Gurney Hotel (Grand Ballroom Level 3)

Date : 9 April 2010

Dress Code : Malaysian Traditional

Organised by : USM Buddies (International Office)

Guest : Exchange Students, Buddies , TNC, IO officers and staffs etc.

My costume : Indian Traditional (Saree)

Show of the night: Ulek mayang, Timang burung, Indian Dance, Singing and joget

My performance : Joining Yosuke Nimura, Es, Eric Barcomb, and Kar mun played guitar (but i'm just singingggg)

Title of the songs: Stand by me & Leaving on a Jet plane

Description : Awesomeness

Next location : QE2, Batu Ferinngi (got back at nearly 6am)

It was great! The night was also tribute to Yosuke Nimura coz he's gonna fly to Japan tomorrow. Eemmm, gonna be toooo longgg if i post about this in details. Whatsoever, it is another moment in a lifetime to be remember.. Alwaysss...

*i love singing and dancing*

Counselling... why not ?

2010-04-08T05:04:00.001+08:00

Yes... i see a counselor yesterday...no.. no.. two days ago (monday) with intention to talk about my academic and carrier at first. but it turned up be : i talk about almost everything.. including my past experiences... relationship... etc. i was told that i have a low self-assertive. and i need to work on that to fix everything that is wrong about myself .... time management, last minutes work, easy of getting influences by others... and lots of other weaknesses. gonna meet the counselor again next week!

Today (yesterday already), i got some of my matters settled (correction for my thesis) and then spent until almost 2am in the International office. Helping them for the audit things. But i had fun there. Plus, got a nice 'Stupid (gila) certification' for the long walk we did last sunday (usm to feringgi) made by Yosuke Nimura. It is really cool ! and i like it a lot !

I'm off to bed.

Craziness but awesomeness !

2010-04-06T02:31:00.003+08:00

Hmmm.. this post gonna be long... but let's make it short !

Date : 4 April 2010

Location : USM - Jetty Terminal - George Town- Gurney - Tg.Bungah - Night Market/Beach at Batu Feringgi.

Transportation : Nothing.. Just feet.

Time Depart : Around 7.00 am.

Time Arrived : Around 7.15 pm.

Feeling : Mixture

Team Member : Myself, Yosuke Nimura (Japan), Esma Sariaslan (Netherland), Nasri (Malaysia), Heijing (China), Way Shinya (Japan) and Takuya (Japan).

Consequences: Joint pain all over my body (knee especially)

Result: Full Satisfaction !

Experience Description : This opportunity comes once in a lifetime. I enjoyed it! Really !!!

Yeahhh.. thats what we did... Walking From USM to Batu Feringgi. Some said i'm crazy when i told them that i'm planning to join Yosuke and others to do that. Hahahhah. But yeah, nothing is impossible right. What does it takes is only courage and determination. Even at first i'm not pretty sure if i can ever make it. But heyy... why don't i give myself a try? I know i will get kinda similar experience while i canoeing around Penang Island years ago. I was on the canoe. All i see was only sea... up there, was the big spotlight of Mr. Sunny. While the land is sooo sooo far away.. i was asking to myself... what am i doing? It's gonna be really cool if i were on the bed.. or having ice lemon tea.. ahhh... But at the end of it, i'd made it! I can't describes what i felt at that moment. But one thing for sure, it was a really full of satisfaction. Alhamdulillah. Ok, so now there i was. Walking expedition. Well, i admit it's really... really tough for me since i haven't been work-out for quite a really long time. So i got tired easily. Yeahh.. we do stop a lot. Take a rest... And continue walking. And the members is really nice and helpful. I don't know if i can ever found a guy like Yosuke. Energetic, charismatic, helpful, and all positive things in him. Esma was really funny! I had a great time with her. And having a nice conversation with the others- nasz, heijing, way and takuya. It had live up the journey! But yeahh, it was really tiring.. (for me at least) I sometimes feels like give up. My leg really hurt.. But i know i will feel regret if i make it half way. So i decided to finish the journey. Alhamdulillah. I made it !! We made it! What a wonderful feeling after we'd reach the last destination. Yes, nothing is impossible as long as you believe it! Ok, now i got Joey McIntyre song plays on my mind.. "Believe in yourself ... bla bla bla.. have faith in what you do, You'll make it through".

Hhhm, so now i'm thinking what other craziness can i do. Idea? hahahhahhahha, =)

p/s : nasz and yosuke took photos of the expedition. later will get it and up load. Don't be suprise of my look... hahahahhh. yeahh, ugly!

worries of my thesis

2010-04-01T21:08:00.001+08:00

yeahh, what can i expecting for a last minutes work.. gonna be lots of errors.. here and there.. and i was just realized it when the thesis had been binding with hard cover.. and moreee errors after had been submitted. though, it's already too late to fix it.. just gonna have faith on that... hoping i'm at least did well. it's a 8 units project and gonna have BIG IMPACT on my cgpa.. uhh uhh.. the 'Penghargaan' part explained it all ....

PENGHARGAAN

Alhamdulillah. Saya bersyukur ke hadrat Allah S.W.T kerana akhirnya dapat saya siapkan Latihan Ilmiah ini. Sesungguhnya, saya akui bahawa kajian ini memakan masa yang agak lama untuk disiapkan selain daripada pelbagai cabaran yang terpaksa saya hadapi sepanjang tempoh pelaksanaan kajian ini. Rakaman setinggi penghargaan dan terima kasih sudah tentu ditujukan kepada penyelia Latihan Ilmiah, Dr. Azmi Arifin yang banyak membantu serta memberi tunjuk ajar untuk mempersiapkan kajian ini. Tidak dinafikan, beliau banyak memberikan kerjasama terhadap saya serta sabar menghadapi karenah saya sementelah saya akui, saya sememangnya mempunyai banyak kelemahan diri. Semoga, kelemahan ini dapat saya perbaiki pada masa kini dan akan datang.

Selain itu, ucapan penghargaan turut ditujukan kepada semua pensyarah di Pusat Pengajian Ilmu Kemanusiaan, Universiti Sains Malaysia terutamanya yang telah mengajar dan membimbing saya sejak di tahun pertama saya di sini. Sememangnya, ilmu yang dikongsikan oleh mereka terhadap sayalah yang memustahilkan kajian ini dilakukan. Ucapan terima kasih saya ucapkan kepada Prof. Abdul Rahman Haji Ismail yang pernah kerap saya temui untuk berbincang di samping mendengar pandangan beliau berkaitan dengan kajian ini. Begitu juga dengan Dr. Nazarudin Zainun atas tunjuk ajar yang diberikan dalam memperlengkapkan kajian ini.

Di samping itu, saya berasa bersyukur kerana mempunyai seorang bapa yang menjadi inspirasi serta dorongan untuk menghasilkan kajian ini. Beliau, Mohd. Muztaza bin Haji Yahya telah sedikit sebanyak memberikan input berguna kepada saya. Begitu juga dengan arwah nenek, Mariam Binti Mohamad yang telah menceritakan kisah perihal Malayan Union kepada bapa yang kemudiannya diperturunkan kepada saya. Semoga Allah mencucuri roh Allahyarham.

Tidak lupa juga penghargaan yang wajar saya tujukan kepada seluruh ahli keluarga saya yang banyak memberi dorongan serta sumbangan tidak kira dalam bentuk tenaga fizikal serta kewangan sepanjang kajian ini dilakukan. Juga buat teman-teman seperjuangan, jasa kalian amat dihargai.

Begitu juga kepada pihak-pihak tertentu yang tidak mampu saya sebutkan namanya terutamanya kepada pihak Arkib Negara Kuala Lumpur serta Arkib Negara Johor. Terima kasih di atas perkhidmatan yang diberikan sepanjang kajian yang saya lakukan di sana.

Akhir kata, saya berharap agar kajian ini mampu mematangkan diri saya dalam apa jua bidang yang saya ceburi. Sesungguhnya, saya akui akan kelemahan diri serta kajian ini. Namun, semoga segala kelemahan ini dapat saya perbaiki dan dijadikan iktibar pada masa hadapan. InsyaAllah.

*i love abah ! and mak !*

i need to make up my mind : part II

2010-04-01T18:11:00.000+08:00

okeyh.. i need to make up my mind of what i'm gonna do for my masters program. i was thinking to pursue my studies. but seriously, i dunno what should i take.. right now, i'm taking history for my major program and minoring in political science. but i think i had enough of studying history. no more pleasee.. i do love history.. but for masters.. again? hhhhmm... actually , i'm planning to do archeology.. but it's kinda impossible coz i do not have basic in that field.. so, i might don't have the opportunity... well, maybe i'm gonna do under Dr. Naza.. doing research about pre-history in southeast asia.. yeahh.. maybe.. but i haven't make up my mind, yet.. hopefully i will decide on that soon.

i need to make up my mind

2010-03-30T19:13:00.000+08:00

Politics... yeahh, politics... heyy i do talk politics ok! =] well, it was good though to sometimes talk about politics especially with someone that came from other countries. i was just having a talk with ian, a buddy from US. and yeah, we talks about politics. it's kinda like we are sharing views about thing that happens in my country. his country. and others countries as well. yeahh, though, it gave me different perception about something.. which is good i think.. something that i can say, broaden my knowledge. well, yeahh, i do sometimes feel confuse with political situation nowdays.. like ian said, i need to make up my mind. but things that happens (especially in my country) really put me in a VERY COMPLETE confuse situation. as a good nation (cehh, am i ? ) hahah. no la, but yes, i do feel the responsibility to my county especially when it come to election day (since i'm already eligible enough to vote) . which party to vote? both side keep accusing each other. of course, i do concern about what both party said.. so, confuse la.. which to trust ? i need to make up my mind. whatsoever, Dr. Mahathir is the best among all !!!

Suddenly...

2010-03-28T06:15:00.000+08:00

I love abah... why so sudden ehh? Because he had inspires me on doing my thesis about Malayan Union. Alhamdullillah, i got the opportunity to hear his story that had been told by his mother, also my grammar arwah Tok Yam (Al-Fatihah).

I love you. Both of you.

Mak pun yaya sayang jugakkk...

Arwah atok (mom's side, Al-Fatihah) ...

Ok.. ok.. all my beloved sisters and the only brother...

Relatives... and friends !

Thanks! Love uols !! =]

Reminder

2010-03-27T08:05:00.003+08:00

For those who got their heart broken :

Never say you’re unlucky in love because the ‘good one’ is created for each other. Just believes that a good woman is made for a good man. And vice versa. It may not the time or he/she is not the one. Life must go on !

Sometimes you didn’t get someone that you really want but the one you’re not expecting will fall for you !

Have faith!

and

Chill !

=]

And yesss ....

Wooooohuuuuuu !!!

He - the one i miss

2010-03-26T13:47:00.001+08:00

Siapakah ???

We never meet

We never talk

But we used to be friend

Just in a social networking

But i already delete him in my friend list

Coz i can't stop browsing on him

Pretty much like a stalker i can say

The thing is I don't think i love him

After all, we never make an eye contact

I used to hear a lot about him few years ago

And he used to be my inspiration

Though, i can say that i feel thankful to him

For the stage i am now

He was one of the reason of me getting a good result in one of the big exam 4 years ago

So lately, i just found out that he just start blogging

I've been following his blog

Again, he still inspires me

With his words that really motivating

But since a past few days

He haven't up date his blog

I've been waiting

And waiting

And waiting...

I'm not sure if we will ever gonna meet

He never knew me

I just make him as my idol

Thats all

But i miss him

If only he knew about this

Ohh emm gee

How embarrassing !

No way

No wayyy

He will never find out

Hopefully

What so ever

I'll pray the best for him

P/s : Dude, cepatlah up date your blog

(like yeahh.. macam la dia tahu)

With regards,

P/s : You will never know me. I'll make sure of that.

*sigh*